Listen. Learn. Love. Live.

How I found Christ leaving Christianity (Part 1)

2011-12-25T22:29:00.000-08:00

I bet all my super conservative followers just read the title and went "OH MY GOSH. God save her life, she's a deceiver and she has no idea who you are!" ::de-friend::

Oh ye with little faith. Read this and hopefully by the end of it you'll begin to see differently.

With Your Love and Sight, my heart sings your praises and walks in light of all you've done. May your graces be on us and give us your shadow that we may seek after it all the day long. Open our eyes to see your glory and may these words stem from a pure conscious mind and soul.Selah.

For those of you who barely know me, here's some quick things you should know about my spiritual background. I feel it is very important to know my history to understand my mind:

1. Was raised in a Christian home
2. Went to a private christian school my entire life
3. Was in several different worship bands in high school
4. Did state side &global missions trip starting at the age of 14
5. Raised mostly Baptist, but I've attended several different denominational churches
6. Was SUPER into knowing anything and everything about scripture. Always did extremely well in Bible classes, spent time outside of class studying the context of scripture
7. Didn't really "know" God or meet Him until I contemplated suicide my freshman year of HS. Crazy supernatural experience we can talk about another time.
8. In college I was part of Campus Crusade for Christ & worked at a dingy coffeeshop with a unique crowd of folk
9. I've seen demons, I've felt angels & have seen some pretty out of this world stuff
10. Never went to seminary

So over the last 24 years of my life, spiritual things have always played a huge role.Lately, my heart has been stirring and righteously angered over the ignorance some people have when it comes to living life as a "Christian" in America. [I say in America because it is a drastic difference in my eyes from the Christianity I've seen outside the country. It's a dynamic we will not understand for a while to come. We don't know persecution for faith. We've got no idea.]

When you hear the word Christian what do you think?Do you think Jesus?

Cause to be quite honest...He's not the first person I think of. [I can hear people rolling out of their chairs now and in their head yelling BLASPHEMY!]

But seriously, when people say Christian my mind immediately goes to this:
-Westboro Baptist Church
-Majority of Republicans/Tea Party
-Megachurches
-Brother Micah & other campus crazy preachers
-large signs with words "BE SAVED OR GO TO HELL"
-Homosexuals being shunned from the church
-the extreme and common "I LOVE GOD SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU" tweeters/social media people who make it a point to tell you how much more they know & how much closer to God they are than your heathen soul (and yes they do exist, and yes they believe these things without even knowing you)
- Youtube videos of "christians" bashing other religions and reinforcing once more "Repent or BURN"

PEOPLE, WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO JESUS?! WHERE IS HE IN AMERICA? WHY CAN I NOT FIND HIM?

Don't you think something is wrong when there is a rising of youth and adults leaving the church and finding more comfort in believing there is no God?

Don't you think it's wrong that people are starting to get angered and disgusted by Christians?

Maybe if we took a step back and actually examined who Christ is more folk would start living like Christ! We've become so brainwashed into the do's and don'ts of this religion that we sometimes forget the core of what it's based upon.

"But I know Christ! I asked him into my heart at church. I go every sunday. I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I didn't have premarital sex. I mean, I know him" -average christian person in America

NOOOOOOOOO. It's not about ANY of that. Jesus said "I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" One of the most popular "repent or burn" verses people toss out, but have we read that verse?

"I AM THE WAY"
"I AM THE TRUTH"
"I AM THE LIFE"

If CHRIST is saying he is the life, why is it so damn hard for us to actually LIVE His life? SERIOUSLY?

Jesus was:
a) Born in the most humble of places
b) Was always moving about (sounds homeless to me)
c) Had little materialistic values, He treasured people
d) He hung out with the lowliest of people
e) He was a rebel to the temples/pharisees
f) He sought after people more than His own good
g) People were so enamored with him that they SOUGHT AFTER HIM and did about ANYTHING to see him
h) He performed miracles so people would see/feel the glory of God and their lives be changed
i) He told parables and told those who were closest to him what they meant when they were alone with Him
j) He was always giving
k) " Now there are also many other things that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written." - John 21:25

^a.k.a. Jesus is freaking awesome.

I used to see the Bible one way. I used to see Christ only as salvation. But there is SO MUCH MORE to it. There is a LIFE that goes with it.

One that should be full of glorious things.
One that should be taking initiative in helping other see Christ for who He really is than how he is portrayed here in the states.
One that is giving hope to the broken, and understanding to the confused.
One that is providing solutions to global issues and not just sitting back condemning it.

Really, Wouldn't it be awesome if you heard more stories of miracles being performed in the name of Jesus?

In the next chapter of this conversation we will dig deeper into why it's so difficult in America for us to understand living out the Gospel. But for now, just reflect and think deep within: How do you view Jesus & is your life reflective of that?

Sex Sex Sex.

2011-05-14T08:06:00.001-07:00

Let's talk about sex.

why not, seems like a quite common topic in many of my conversations.

Someone I follow on twitter posted a blog he wrote on why our generation misses the point on sex which made me think a lot on why I don't really think more of it in this way.

Now if you are like me (raised in a christian home, in a private school), you were raised that sex is badddddd.
super bad.
unholy.
it's awful.
it leads to babies and diseases.
it's not really that fun.
no good man will ever want to date you after you've given yourself away.
It's one of the greatest sins to commit before marriage.
and you read a book that talked about the birds and bees.
sex education was non-existence
abstinence is the way to go !

And let's examine what the media says:

it's fun
it's okay to do with several people (as long as you use protection)
kids as young as 11 are banging
being a teen mom gets you a tv show
porn is okay
we need to start teaching more than abstinence.
yeah its emotional, but you can get over it by having sex with someone else

...really, media? really, church?

What do we do? How should we view sex? Is it really that sacred? Should we wait till marriage? What should we be teaching in schools today?

If you want my opinion here it is:

The church needs to talk about it. I mean TALK about it. Talk more than "abstinence is the thing to do!". Abstinence encouragement did nothing for me. It left me having questions, left me with a deep curiosity, left me experimenting. I'm not blaming the church for my decisions, but I wish I had been taught what happens after you have sex with someone before or even in marriage.

Wait...sex even in marriage? But, that's THE RIGHT WAY!
....

I've heard stories from all sides:
"I had sex before marriage and it was liberating"
"I had sex before marriage and it was the worst decision I've made"
"We had sex once we got married and it was awesome!"
"We had sex once we got married and I couldn't bring myself to do it again. I felt weird about it"

And more often than not, I'm hearing more stories about people having sex after they are married and having issues.
I'm not saying go ahead and lose your virginity before you sign the papers. I'm saying, perhaps we need to be more raw with one another and truly think about human sexuality, if we are getting married for the "guiltless" sex, and talk about the sacredness and emotion it does have. Maybe if we talked more about it, we wouldn't see so many christian couples getting married to bang and divorcing a few years later when their love lives are dying, spouses are cheating, and marital problems are arising.

Schools NEED to teach more than abstinence. Kids need to know the consequences of sex, safe or not. Kids need to know the emotional ties that come with it. Kids need to know that it isn't everything "grand" the media tells them. Kids need to know they should wait until the meet someone that is worth it. That they shouldn't give themselves away so soon. That they should practice safe sex and only that till they are ready for their own kids. It's heartbreaking to see the amount of teen pregnancy we do today.

I feel we could talk about this for hours. I'll have to write a part 2 to this one...

In the meantime, what do you guys have to say about this?

2011-05-14T07:33:00.000-07:00

There are so many things to write on yet I'm stuck with where to begin.

I miss the days where I could write freely.

writer's block sucks.

2011-04-25T00:36:00.001-07:00

2011-04-23T22:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Orlando and St. Petersburg City Councils,

I feed the homeless. Why? Cause they are not scum, they are one of us. They breathe the same air as we do, they talk the same language, they share the same emotion. They are my brothers and sisters. Yes, perhaps some have ended up without a home from mistakes, but haven’t you made mistakes? Perhaps some have ended up on the streets because you didn’t do anything to help them out? Did you have someone to help you when you felt like you lost everything?

Yeah? I’m pretty sure you have been there.

So why you find it necessary to stop groups from feeding our brothers and sisters is beyond me. I hear you are “making” arrangements for our displaced friends, but last time I checked, the streets are full cause the shelters are full. Nothing seems to be different.

Let me get this straight: you are putting permits on large groups to have love and compassion on those in need because you feel like its going to make our city a better place and encourage those on the streets to get off?

Well if they have no hand to lead them, how will they follow? If there is no hand to give, how will they receive?

I will continue to feed the homeless, love them, and encourage them. Oh, and you better believe once I get back from tour this summer, I will organize a group of friends to go and “feed” without your permission. We will simply have a picnic where our friends are invited.

Arrest me if you want. I don’t mind being a criminal for loving others.

Sincerely, Alyssa

——

And for those of you who don’t know what’s going on:

http://orlandoweekly.com/news/happytown-1.1135317

Loosing what I had to give.

2011-04-21T01:18:00.000-07:00

This semester has been absolutely brutal.

I had quit my job, thus hindering my personal ministry.
I've been dealing with a broken relationship of 3 solid years.
I have a puppy thats essentially like having a toddler. no joke.
Fundraising and Training for tour.
And 3 design classes with several freelance jobs on the side <---massive time sucker

Nothing extremely bad has happened, thank the Lord!
it's just been overwhelming.

So overwhelming that I've managed to kill myself in the process. (Not in a physical sense of course, otherwise I wouldn't be typing this).

I've allowed busyness and emotions take over my being rather than fully allowing the Spirit of God to do so. You may think elsewise, but it's a matter of heart.

My heart literally aches everyday. I cry more often that usual. It's not because I'm weak, it's because I realize how much more God needs to be in my life than I allow him to be. I realize that God has designed to use me for His Kingdom in ways that I do not even know.

And it's so sad to watch the injustice that goes on around us and to think that there are so many of us who have yet to live up to our potential...the potential we don't know we have because the world around us gives us no hope to pursue it.

God is among us.
He is Love.
He is Hope.
He is Everything.
You have a purpose.

....It's 4:40am. I really should be sleeping and not spewing out all that's burying me deep.
I'll share much more in chapters to come.

Love you all.

2011-03-30T21:26:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've written...let alone shared with the world what's been going on.

In short:
I am nothing,
He is everything.

There's been a beautiful transformation taking place within my life where God is taking back the reigns I fought so hard to control.

God is Alive and well, my friends. Alive and well.

I don't know where to begin the story, but if you're ready to read, I'm willing to write.

2011-03-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

There's a candle lit in the corner.
All that's left is cold breath and shaky hands.

The sound of a pen on paper:

"And so it begins"

A tear falls from her face and smudges the words.

"so it begins"

Her heart is beating out of her chest. Another tear, another word.

"it begins"

She takes a deep breath. The world will now know.

"begin."

The book closes.
She wipes her face.
The candle goes out.

Darkness is present, but she's not afraid.

The room is empty, but she's not alone.

With a crooked grin and a heavy heart she stares darkness in the face.

There is a candle in the room,
but she doesn't need it now.

TED: Jamie Oliver & Food

2010-04-14T18:20:00.000-07:00

Creativity.

2010-02-28T20:53:00.000-08:00

Thought this was a new creative approach to a music video:

70 Million by Hold Your Horses ! from L'Ogre on Vimeo.

Cheap Pop Song from Rhett Dashwood on Vimeo.

Love how this was shot:

This makes me want to throw up

2010-02-23T16:21:00.001-08:00

my heart breaks for my brothers and sisters.
it breaks deeply.

Persecution in India: Francis' Response from Cornerstone Church on Vimeo.

TOMS: One Day Without Shoes

2010-02-18T08:49:00.000-08:00

If I'm not barefoot, I'm usually caught in one of my many pairs of TOMS.

People are always like "whoah, cool kicks, where'd ya get them?" and it's a neat story to share.

But others consider it a "fashion statement" of which yes it can be or a "ongoing cultural trend" which quite possibly it could be that too, but in my opinion, I think that's what needed (unfortuneately) in today's society to help a global issue. Yes it may not seem at first as a critical need or thousands of people dying (though many are on their deathbeds due to these diseases gained without shoes) but it is something that needs to be more properly addressed. We have to understand that cultures and environments are different than ours.

I love TOMS not because they are the most comfortable pair of shoes I have or because you can paint them or because they go with about any outfit but for the intention behind the business itself.

Last year I took part of One Day Without Shoes and it was SO much fun! The TOMS campus rep organized a get together on campus and everyone ran around the campus barefoot singing and shouting. Then everyone hung out on the free speech lawn and painted shirts, painted their barefeet, we painted two huge handmade TOMS shoes that were on the lawn, we sang and played guitar and invited others to toss their shoes and join us. From the moment we woke up to the moment we went to bed we went EVERYWHERE with no shoes. I remember going to Dandelion Cafe, Colonial Photo and Hobby, the neighborhood walmart, I even walked around downtown barefoot. I wore a TOMS "One Day Without Shoes" sticker so people could see and possibly ask "why barefeet?"

It was a humbling experience being barefoot all day and returning home with filthy feet ( I did step on some sharp objects, thankfully nothing as damaging as glass). And that's just in AMERICA! We're CLEAN compared to other places. If I did One Day Without Shoes in China, I'm guaranteed to return with 3 different diseases, ha, no joke. But for real, I can't imagine walking barefoot in some of the areas I've seen even in Guatemala and the Domincian Republic. It's been an issue that's crossed my mind many times before back then and its encouraging to see a man who had a dream that has inspired others to take part of.

Here's a short quick video describing Why TOMS exist and Why we should participate One Day Without Shoes.

Enjoy.

The Lazarus Effect.

2010-02-17T10:44:00.001-08:00

So so awesome.

new guitar

2010-02-09T00:06:00.001-08:00

Emo Robots!

2010-02-04T14:21:00.000-08:00

Enjoy!

Music is : "Spotlight" by MuteMath

2010-01-30T16:52:00.001-08:00

There are times where I'm completely sick of our humanity.

sick of the disgusting magazine covers telling us we're doing it wrong
sick of the pictures of people who dwell in their riches while the poor struggle for food
sick of our lust for love and envy for other things
sick of our hypocrisy
sick of us not even trying

I'm sick of myself not living
sick of my self-pleasures and trivial pursuits of temporary goodness
sick of cheating myself the riches of purity and heavenly joys
sick of not being radical enough
sick of not being willing enough
sick of sleeping in and not making time for the things that need time.

I'm sick of just everything.

I'm nauseated with creativity and have no time to vomit on a canvas...
this will have to change asap.

I love walking barefoot, but running barefoot.hmmm.

2010-01-27T13:57:00.001-08:00

so cool!
I'm just nervous about there being broken glass on the ground :(

which is why I want to get these:
http://www.vibramfivefingers.com/products/products_Sprint_f.cfm

yep.

It's finished!

2010-01-25T11:52:00.000-08:00

I just finished my side piece (woohoo!)

$830 all together (without tip). Took 10 1/2 hrs all together.

The most recent section:

The complete piece:

I am so happy with it and I am grateful that Scott Lukacs is a wonderful tattoo artist and that he could execute my artistic vision for it! If you ever need a tattoo artist, please go to him! Here is his blog: http://tatzap.blogspot.com/

Many people are like " that's cool, but like, what's going to happen when you get older? or if you're husband doesn't like it? Or when you're pregnant?"

First off,
Am I really going to care what my body is going to look like when I'm older? At that point, I want to just enjoy the rest of however long of life I have!

Second,
I would sure hope my husband likes my tattoos, otherwise, I probably wouldn't be marrying him in the first place.

Third, when I'm pregnant, sure it will stretch, but it will go back down. I'll care less how it looks then. Besides, I'm not going to be preggo for a while. Plus, I totally want to be that cool tattooed mother!

Many ask, "so do you like grapes a lot ? Is that why you got grapes done?"

We need to change this whole "just because I like something I'm going to tattoo it on my body" mindset. I believe tattoos should tell stories. They should have meaning behind every line, every color, every shading. They must share pain and emotion just as much as it took to get it on your body (cause let me tell you, if you've never had one done before, be prepared for the pain).

I've had the idea for the side piece for about 2 years. I had once heard a sermon where the pastor explained the importance of vineyards throughout scripture. He said that when Kings would conquer a land, they would plant a vineyard as a sign of territory. It was victory. I love the idea of victory. Victory in God, Victory from foolish things, Victory in Redemption, Victory!

There are also so many cultural/ spiritual things that have to do with grapes. There is Christ's first miracle of turning water into wine. There is the parable of the old/new grapeskins. As a cultural means, whenever a man wanted to marry a woman, he would sit her down and drink from a glass of wine and pass it to her, if she wanted to commit, she would drink from the same glass of wine. It was their form of engagement.

Then there is also the wine making process from planting and maintaining the vineyard to picking out the grapes and distilling them into fine wines. It is a very long process that involves much patience and care. Fine wines are made with an utmost passion that you can taste the second it hits your palette. It's very similar to our lives in how we (as the vineyard) have a dependence on the caretaker(God). Without him, we aren't made out to be as we should.

That right there is why I have a grapevine tattooed on my side. It's not because I love grapes (which I really do), it's because I feel like there have been many areas in my life I've been able to get over and many more to come. I feel like a new creation, a new vineyard planted for a King, ready to go through the turmoil and long days until it can be ripe enough to harvest. I want to go through that. So this side piece is a daily reminder of what I was and who I shall be one day.

The End.

Transformation into Collaboration

2010-01-18T14:21:00.001-08:00

I really need to get into the habit of blogging.

I think to make things easier, I'll just post everything on this one blog whether it'd be personal writings, creative inspirations, or random videos.

So here we go. Enjoy.

----------------

For my graphic design essentials course, I had to pick an influential graphic designer and write a quick outline of this life/works. I decided to search through the life of famous designer Stefan Sagmeister.

He is a creative genius in approaches to album cover designs, urban artwork, and shocking posters for AIGA.

I will have to say Bansky & him remain on the list of my top creative inspirations. Here are some of Stefan's works:

Poster for AIGA lecture in Cransbrook. He carved the poster text on his body.

Poster for AIGA Fresh Dialogues in NY.

Album Cover for OKGO & Rolling Stones

Series of Urban Work Photographs with a message

Carpets

love it.

It's never easy.

2010-01-07T09:03:00.000-08:00

2010.

2010-01-03T11:54:00.001-08:00

nothing but chaos.chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos. chaos.

and it shall be righteous.

Summer Projects

2009-12-14T10:06:00.000-08:00

I was bummed out when I heard that my family was going to do another oversea adventure in the summer. I am grateful that it would be paid for, but I wanted to take the summer to get involved in another summer project.

Summer Projects are run through an organization I've been part of for the last 5 years called Campus Crusade for Christ International.

They focus mainly on campus ministry, however, they also have many other outreaches such as media locally and globally, art and urban outreaches, Global HIV/AIDS outreaches, orphanage ministries, and much more.

I had no desire to go on summer project my first 3 years of CRU because I felt like it was pushed way too much and I was so tired of hearing about it.

Then God called me to East Asia.

So I went and came back wrecked longing for more.

I told myself that if our family vacation plans for summer were canceled, I'd take the plunge and apply for project again. So what happened?

Our family vacation was canceled.

I applied to go to Zambia this summer as my first choice, South Africa as my second, and East Asia as my third. I'll know by January 24th.

I really really really really really want to go to Zambia. I'd be there for two months living among the people and doing AIDS education, feeding the orphans and hungry, some other student ministry and more.

If you could keep that in your prayers, that'd be amazing. I'd really appreciate it. I'll keep you all posted as soon as I hear back from headquarters about where I'll be going!

In the meantime, here is a video from an awesome group I want to start looking more into:

2009-12-08T17:43:00.001-08:00

Water wash over me.

2009-12-07T08:50:00.000-08:00

If there was a daily moment I wish I could live out longer it would be standing underneath the showerhead letting warm water flow over my face and flood over my being.

I'm naked
I'm exposed
and this feeling of streaming water over my skin is calming.

It's the only time I'm at extreme peace alone.

I can sit there for minutes with my eyes shut and letting the warmth cover my shaky body. It's a physically spiritual cleansing I don't want to wake up from...

I also don't want to use up water so I can't live in that moment longer....

Water is therapeutic for me.
When I was younger, and still every so often, I'd love to fill up the bathtub and just sink underneath it in silence and hold my breath.

It wasn't suicidal attempts; it was temporarily taking myself into another world.

Under the bathtub water, I heard nothing but the echo of my heartbeat vibrate through that shallow sea.

I'm naked.
I'm exposed.
I'm at peace.
I'm in another world.

I wish I could stay in those moments forever.

Hear me, Oh you Mountains!

2009-12-07T00:55:00.000-08:00

Weak knees,
stomach sick,
blood rush to the head.

I swam the oceans,
wrestled the wilderness
to reach where I stand now.

It's hard to breathe,
I can barely see,
these tears begin to sting.

The city sleeps underneath
this dark canopy of stars.

God awaits as my heart aches
I'm lost in every way.

Here I stand all alone raging from within.

my lungs are tense
my hands clenched
it's time to let this all go.

Silence breaks as the echo begins:
"IS ANYBODY LISTENING OR AM I ALONE?!"

::silence::

then with another roar,
"IS ANYBODY LISTENING OR AM I ALONE?!"

::silence::

this time in agony,
a cry with a shrill,
this question wants an answer that only time could tell.
"IS ANYBODY LISTENING OR AM I ALONE?!"

::silence::

minutes pass by,
Not a shout replied,
nor a human breath close by.

Alas,the city has heard my cry.

The stars look down
as I fall to the ground
face buried from where it came.

I have been heard.

I am alone.

My question answered in perfect silence.

I rest my eyes
my weary eyes
and begin to think:
The beauty of solitude is you are on your own.

Oh God, Rescue me
Rescue me from myself.

Sponsor a child!

2009-12-04T13:37:00.000-08:00

I love orphans.

I do and I wish I could hug every orphan alive and tell them how much they're adored even if they don't understand due to language barriers or what not.

I would love to work in an orpahange.
I want to adopt.

Obviously in the current state right now, I cannot physically adopt a kid because, well, a) I'm not married b) Financially I can't

This doesn't mean that I cannot help from where I'm at. I've always been a bit iffy about supporting those commercials that show at 3am where the kids are playing in filthy water with their dirty faces all sad and picking up trash or what not. But you know what? The reality of it is: that is real. Kids do play in bacteria filled water, kids work in the fields and risk their lives for their families, kids are now being pushed into sex trade and other areas that children SHOULD NOT be part of because their families cannot afford to educate them or support them. Orphans or not, children around the world struggle with these things every single day.

That is not right.

Now I personally cannot go overseas every day or every month to rescue these kids. one day I sure hope I can travel around more often catering to these needs, but as of right now, it's something I can only long and pray for.

About 2 years ago when Hillsong came to Orlando I heard about this group called Compassion (www.compassion.com). My friend and I at the time decided to sponsor a kid. We went and the first kid we picked up was a young boy from Thailand named Phusu. His birthday is on Feb. 14th, he loves art, soccer, and learning. My friend stopped giving me money for him, so now he is my child and I still long to meet him before I die. In a sense, I feel connected to another soul knowing that this kid is staying out of trouble and being aided. There are many children who need the same love.

About every other month I get a letter from him and I do send him photos of my family, friends, and I. I can just see him opening it up and getting so excited.

Perhaps some of you don't have the money, but these children need prayer over finances. Prayer for safety. Prayer for direction.There are still plenty of ways to get involved EVEN in your own community.

I wouldn't do this with the intent of " sweet, I'm helping out and I can still have a life, I'll just let the organization do the rest for me as I give them money". no no no. It's more than that. It's getting involved in that child's life not only through finances but through prayer, letters, photos and encouragement.

So this month, what I want for christmas is to give orphans hope, clothe the widows, feed the hungry, and love the wanderer. I decided to pray and try to find a hope for another child. I have the information for a young girl named Woberst Hailu Ewnetu from Ehtiopia. Her birthday is May 5, 2000. She helps in the kitchen and cleaning is her duty. Her mother is sometimes employed. She has 2 siblings. Playing house is her favorite activity and her performance at school is average. She also attends church activities.

If you're interested in taking her this Christmas season or want to get involved in Compassion, please let me know.

Thank you!

Good Times...

2009-12-03T02:11:00.000-08:00

There are just those times where I spend a good hour or so watching random funny videos online. These are a few recent ones that crack me up:

See more funny videos and Funny Videos at Today's Big Thing.

This reminds me of Georginia haha:

See more funny videos and Funny Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Orlando Homeless Coalition Needs

2009-11-30T23:26:00.001-08:00

Hello my dear friends,

Recently the Lord has been placing on my heart the importance of serving others and encouraging people to bring an end to poverty, sex slavery, and other issues of social injustice within the community and globally.

I strongly believe the beginning to ending such wars starts within ourselves and not waiting or being dependent on the government for "change".

I do not care what your background is, what you believe in, how poor or how rich you are, what party you are in, there is NO reason why us as human beings cannot break the chains of the oppressed, give hope to the hopeless, provide shelter to the wanderer, feed the hungry, uplift the depressed, and the list could go on.

The statistics for poverty and hunger in America alone are astonishing.
- Almost 100 BILLION pounds of food is wasted in America each year. 700 million starving humans across the world would literally die to eat even the scraps.
-3.5% of households experience hunger
There is much more here : http://www.soundvision.com/Info/poor/statistics.asp

I'm not writing this with the intent to make you feel guilty, trust me, I fall victim to tossing out food and not taking action as well. It's just time to awaken our hearts and begin bringing peace to these situations.

We cannot reach the world without touching our community first. There are plenty of ways to get involved and get your hands dirty into the wonderful act of loving and giving to those around you.

This note is aimed more specifically for a shelter I'm helping out with in downtown Orlando called Coalition for the Homeless of Central Florida. I'll be giving a hand a few times a month specifically with the children doing Arts & Crafts as well as outdoor activities. I'll post those days and times if you want to help out.

For now, the shelter has given me a list of items that they are in desperate need of especially for this holiday season. If you could help out by donating one of the following items, it would be GREATLY appreciated!

Pass the word around! You can contact me to drop off these items either at my apartment or at work (when I'm working). Send me a message to arrange such times.

IMMEDIATE SUPPLY NEEDS
FALL 2009

Coalition for the Homeless of Central Florida is a non-profit organization working to return families and individuals to self-sufficiency. We rely exclusively on donations to supply our clients with the items that will make their stay with us as comfortable and dignified as possible.

CRITICAL NEEDS:
• FOOD Needs: Canned or frozen fruit and vegetables (corn, tomatoes, carrots, peas, green beans, potatoes, apples, fruit cocktail, peaches, pears); frozen meat in bulk

• Childcare supplies: GOOD START® baby formula (per government nutritional guidelines), diapers and potty training pants (i.e., Pull-Ups®), and baby wipes

• Personal hygiene supplies: Bar soap, hand soap, deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrushes, razors, feminine hygiene products, shampoo, and conditioner

• Cleaning supplies: Bleach, disinfectant spray, laundry detergent, large and small garbage bags, brooms, dustpans, toilet brushes, spray bottles, glass cleaner, paper towels (brown folded, e.g. type used in public bathrooms), and large sized latex gloves

• New underwear, new bras, and new shoes (men, women and children)

• Towels and washcloths (new or gently used and clean)

• Twin size sheets (new or gently used and clean)

• Medicines and first aid supplies: Adult/child/infant fever & pain reducers, cold & sinus medications, and anti-itch cream

• General OFFICE SUPPLIES: Cases of copy paper 8 1⁄2” X 11”, invisible tape, blue ink ball point pens, staples, multipurpose paper 11”X 17”, 3M Post-It Notes, mini binder clips, perforated writing pads 8 1⁄2”X 11 3⁄4”, laminated twin-pocket portfolios, laminating pouches (business card size), Avery vinyl badge holders (horizontal), and GBC badge holders (breakaway lanyard with swivel hook)

• Specific Ink Cartridges: Staples Inkjet Cartridge SIH-R100B, HP 36A Toner Cartridge, HP LaserJet cartridge Q2613A (Black), Brother Toner Cartridge TN460 (High-Yield Black), HP LaserJet Smart Print Cartridge C8543X, and HP LaserJet Cartridge Q6470A (Black)

• Under-the-bed storage containers (Size 66Qt - 39” x 20” x 7”)

• Vacuum cleaners

IMMEDIATE SUPPLY NEEDS SPECIAL KITCHEN NEEDS:
• Paper towels, plates, napkins, and cups (8-10 oz)

•Individual-sized packets of condiments: ketchup,
mustard, mayonnaise, salt, and pepper

• Seasonings: salt, pepper, garlic powder, seasoning
salt, paprika, cumin, oregano, brown sugar, sugar

• Aluminum foil, plastic wrap and plastic storage
bags (i.e., Ziploc®; all sizes)

• Hand and dish towels, pot holders

•Mugs and gently used silverware

• Spices in large containers

•4” steam table pans

• Ice machine

•Dish soap

• 1% milk

GIFT CARDS
• Gift cards to Lowe’s and Home Depot for facilities and maintenance supplies • Gift cards to Target, Walmart and Publix for emergency items • Gift cards to Office Max, Office Depot and Staples for office supplies

I love children...

2009-11-23T23:42:00.000-08:00

this will be my child in the future.

Quick Transitions and empty rooms.

2009-11-18T17:18:00.000-08:00

One week ago I was doing nothing in Largo.
The next I'm unpacking my bags in an apartment.

It's nice living by myself so far.

I am responsible for my own mess. I can have people over whenever I want, for however long I want without others being bothered. I can decorate the place however the heck I want to. I can now use this place not only as a meditative haven but also a place to provide people a loving and peaceful environment if they need to get away.

Since I'm by myself quite often now, I've been taking time to reflect on my weaknesses and the things I need to fix up over the next year.

Things that I don't want to happen will happen
and things I want to happen may not happen
and this is something that I must accept.

Over the last few days I've been rethinking how I left Orlando:

I was bitter.
I was angry.
I felt used.
I felt like what I thought was God's plan for me I was falling incredibly short of.
I felt hopeless with something I was so hopeful for.

I returned to work, the place where most of these emotions came from, and I found them ever so silently sneaking back into my life. Then people began giving their input only feeding more and more into it. They come and go, but it's a weakness I desperately need to fix. It's something I need Jesus to strip off of me completely if I want to be used for His Kingdom, especially in a place like Natura.

I'm back in Orlando now for a reason. It's another strengthening and refining phase of my life that I am excited and not so excited about. Though I'm close to a lot of my old friends, my heart still remains elsewhere.

I will never be happy in Largo,
I will never be happy in Orlando,
I will never be happy out of state or even overseas
unless my spirit is fully engulfed in admiration of God.

And admiration of God is another thing I fall short of everyday.
There is SO MUCH that is given to us in a minute, even in a second.
We are surrounded by the complexity and divinity of God...and how often do we take note of this?

I am grateful to live, but it doesn't seep through my skin as it should.

Being alone in these empty rooms makes me think about all of this.

As I was placing my plants into various pots, I realized how much more delightful my soul was having greenery in the house.

It makes me think of nature and it's intense beauty. It makes me feel closer to God in a physical sense, which may sound weird. Overall, it made me think of how blessed I am to be so fond of the moment.

It made me think:
How blessed I am to live
and be healthy

How blessed I am to have money
enough to live and more to give

How blessed I am to have an apartment
where I can take care of those who need a place for a night

How blessed I am to have a car
to give rides to those who need to get somewhere

How blessed I am to have a job
where I can reach out and serve others

How blessed I am to have food in the fridge (ha, which at the moment is 6 eggs, an almost empty pack of hummus, tomatoes, milk, ice cream, and a brita filter.)
to feed myself and others

How blessed I am to have loving friends in Orlando and Largo
who are supportive and encouraging, blunt when need be

How blessed I am to have a loving family at home
who longs to see me next

How blessed I am to be in a sincere relationship
where I can learn what it means to love and trust in harmony with God despite our flaws and weakenesses

How blessed I am to have the opportunity to return to school

How blessed I am to have another chance at life and to show others the beauty of the Kingdom of God.

....

yeah. That's all for now.

I apologize for the quick transition and that I couldn't spend more time with many of you.
My heart longs to be in your presence again.

Feel free to visit if you'd like.

my dream bible has come true.

2009-11-11T23:58:00.001-08:00

I'm getting this as soon as its mac compatible.

The Prosperity Gospel. yuck.

2009-11-04T07:59:00.000-08:00

The Prosperity Gospel from The Global Conversation on Vimeo.

Inspiration

2009-10-11T14:37:00.000-07:00

The Fun Theory

haha, love it.

Christianity & Culture (preface).

2009-09-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

I've been enjoying my relationship with Jonathan thus far.

It's been full of honesty and has torn down walls I never knew I had up. It's funny how God can do that to ya. Though I've liked the kid forever, I also wrestled with God upon many things before it even came together. Now I'm beginning to see a little bit more, and I'm hopeful for the rest.

Now when it comes to relationships, I'm fairly easy.
-Don't spend a lot of money on me regardless if you have the funds or not (I'll get angry.)
-Don't take me to really fancy restaurants unless it's a super special occasion (such as birthday, 1 year anniversary, I'd count Christmas or New Years as well).
-Talk to me about deep theological things, not about immature childish stuff. I'd rather talk about philosophy than the subject of poop.
-As long as I'm by your side, we can sit in silence and it's not uncomfortable...I like embracing the environment when we're sometimes too busy yapping...reminds me of the famous $5 milkshake scene from Pulp Fiction.
-I don't like watching movies unless it's going to fancy my interest. I don't like technology all that much besides using it for work. I like nature. Night + Beach = perfection...and occasionally loitering.

Jonathan knows these things and has been working on trying to entertain me a bit more. On our two month, the night ended with him doing his homework while I just sat next to him scrolling through HM magazines (super romantic right?)

Now if you haven't heard of this read, it is a great one for you rockers. HM is a magazine dedicated to emerging and old christian metal/rock artist. It has interviews, ads, and great ideological articles. There was a quote from this one guy that stuck with me for the rest of the week. It said something like this " the more we try to know God the more we realize we know nothing."

So simple yet so profound and I love that it was said by this huge burly tattooed scruffy metal singing man.

Maybe for some it's true, others not. But it hit me hard. I often feel like in experiences where I have felt the Spirit and I have seen the Lord work in crazy ways, I am only touching the BARE SURFACE of the divinity and grandeur that lies behind it. I have no idea how the people who have had crazy supernatural things happen to them must feel when it comes to this.

The quote made me think: What if we're searching too heavy for God? Now is that a bad thing? Not necessarily...but what if we're searching so much that we are passing the things that do bring us closer to God?

I guess there are several different ways you can look at it whether it'd be through idolatry, vanity, filling the empty voids with nonsense.

For me I've been fighting the depression of not living in Orlando, often trying to get the bitterness to die so I can live. I've wrestled with God so much that I have been missing what He is teaching me and trying to prepare me for. It took being in pain for 2 days and in the house for 4 for me to realize what God has been doing to me. I have no idea if I'll stay here or if I'll be back in Orlando come spring. who knows, maybe I'll go to Guatemala or Haiti for a short while? Or maybe I wont live to see that day, regardless, God is preparing us now for what is next and I forget that so much. I feel like it's something I should have post-it noted everywhere I go.

Back to the quote...it made me really think about "Christianity". I put this in quotes because it is common religious terminology and I want to discuss it and break it down over the next couple of writings. What does this word really mean to us as individuals and to our culture today? I think this is sooo important to discuss because we are living in an age where religion is growing rapid, though it may not be after Jesus. There is a problem with this.

I feel as humans we're lost, misguided, often blind searching for anything that makes us feel connected. I came across Isaiah 59:9-11 and it just hit me in relation to how our society sees today. I've been polluted with thoughts on this for the last two weeks and I feel like this is something I should share and touch on.

Now I do not have the answers. Our culture does not have the answers. God does, and scripture is like our seeing eye-dog, giving us a hand every so often. I write these things with the intent of challenging and changing the christian perspective.

I'll use quotes from the following (if you ever have a chance to read these, please do:)
Mere Christianity - C.S.Lewis
The Divine Conspiracy - Dallas Willard
Velvet Elvis- Rob Bell
The Shaping of Things to Come- Michael Frost and Alan Hirsch

With that I'll preface all with this:
-Everything is permissible, but not beneficial.
-Test every action.
-feel free to agree to disagree.

Transitions: The Goals from then to now.

2009-09-02T00:02:00.000-07:00

I fell asleep around midnight and find myself awake a few hours later typing up this blog. I don't know where to begin, so I guess I'll start with how I just woke up:

I woke up seeing myself and the boyfriend working overseas (why jon was there, I don't know. Sorry Jon, you'll probably read this before I get the chance to tell you). Ever have those dreams where you can feel the emotions within the dream running through your veins? Well that's how this was.

I could feel the joy of being distant from our society and being completely reliant on God. I could feel peace unlike any else. I could feel the utmost happiness from embracing the orphans in my arms and kissing each of their foreheads with a righteous love that I'll never understand, treating each one as if they were my own. I see us walking the filthy streets with children running alongside of us holding our hands as we search for what is next. Love is abounding and I am a fool drowning in it.

Then it ended.

Now there are several reasons as to why I could have woken up with this, but I'll touch on that later.

For now I want to discuss how God has been peeling my skin to the core.

It's quite interesting how the Lord works and how He reveals Himself to us each in a different manner.Not all of us will have the same calling, not all of us will see God in the same exact way.

I feel like God reveals Himself to us in ways He knows WE will find Him. He places Himself in or in front of the situations we prioritize until we place Him above all other things. I find that with as simple as the idea of placing God above all other things is, the idols of our life creep upon us ever so softly and manipulate our puny hearts that "everything is ok, God is still here, He'll bless this as long as you remember Him" but that cannot justify a single thing. God has to be the ultimate focus.

More so recently then ever, my heart toils over this every single day and this question remains so near to my heart and lingers in my mind:

What is my purpose?

Now, the obvious answer would be: Glorify God but I am searching for something deeper than that.

How do I glorify God? Through what will I glorify God? Where does He want me?

Over the last month there have been a few transitions in my life, nothing to the extreme, but things that have caused much testing and many selfish tears.

My plan: Graduate in August, live in Orlando, work as assistant manager at Natura, go to Valencia in January for Graphic Design, sell artwork on the side, go overseas during summer, continue schooling, hopefully become manager of Natura, take it as it goes.

God's plan: "Move back home. Seek Me."

I was CONVINCED that God wanted me to stay in Orlando, I mean why wouldn't He? Everything was going GREAT with my personal ministry, my friends and I were about to start up some cool projects and studies, I was selling art like crazy, I was coming up with all these new ideas for my job and for campus crusade. Things would progress in my life and God would be part of it...I was ready to justify His existence and use Him as a tool to "bless" what I was starting

and you know what, I think that's why God slapped me in the face and said, "daughter, I love you and that is why I'm asking you to go home. Rest, Trust, Be Patient, Seek After My Heart."

Now for my Orlando friends reading this, I love you all dearly, and I want you to truly understand why I felt like returning home was necessary and not why you may think I moved back to Largo:
1) I moved back home because God made it pretty clear that I wasn't to be in Orlando. I TRIED to stay up there, and every attempt (job promotion, apartment situation, school situation) only proved that it was time for me to leave. I cannot control that.
2) I moved back home not only because things didn't work out but because I feel like God is preparing me for future things through community and isolation which seems contradictory but listen: I'm always on the go go go. Always with people. Always pouring into others yet never taking the time to be poured into or sit down and spend time with him. I feel like living at home, making my room my studio, is a way for me to be able to connect with Him spiritually through art and thankfully, I have an awesome group of friends down here to have fellowship and community with.
3) I did not, and I really want to make this clear since this was everybody's assumption, I did not move back to Largo because Jonathan is back here. Please Please Please understand this. Yes, it is nice being close to him and seeing him almost everyday, but it is not my sole purpose of being back home just to pursue our relationship.

Actually the other night I was sharing this with him: yeah it's nice being back home, living rent free with the family, being close to him and having community but I'll be completely honest:

I am not happy.

I find myself back in Largo often frustrated and not appreciative with the way things turned out, but honestly, things in my life could be worse and it is a honor and blessing to even be alive, to have a shelter over my head, to have food on the counter, to be able to run home to a loving family, an endearing boyfriend, and a community of people who love Jesus and encourage. Natura keeps creeping back into my life offering me new ideas and saying how they "need" me to return, and it tears me apart because I want to be back there. I want to work again, but I know that I can't. Here is where I wipe the tears of selfishness and question my frustrations.

My soul is longing and searching for something deeper and that's where I'm at now.
I don't want to settle for complacency.

Since beginning missions work when I was 14 I've grown a compassion for sharing the gospel overseas and even in the community. The gospel is living and active penetrating to the soul. It longs to bleed through veins of people desperate for truth. It's majestic to think about.

I will ALWAYS have that desire within my heart.
There are a few things I would love to take place in my life and I pray over them often because I feel like these dreams are there for a reason:

1)Open a global-themed coffeeshop where the community receives and gives to the world. I especially would like to make it appealing to youth to keep them out of trouble and give them more opportunity to grow.
2)Become a National Geographic Photographer or do freelance photography overseas, return home and make books with the photos selling them to raise money to give back to the country the photos were taken from
3)Start my own non-profit or scholarship for under-privileged kids giving them not only the resources needed to live but teach them art whether it'd be photography or painting and giving them ways to get an education or receive money without being involved in sex trafficking more specifically
4)Open an orphanage overseas raising the kids in the Love of God and teaching them art as well as English
5) Teach English overseas especially in areas where you can't openly provide the gospel and use that to connect with students

Now back to the beginning of this blog. After dropping Jonathan home tonight, I returned home and signed on facebook for a little while. Two friends messaged me out of the blue: one was a missionary from Guatemala whom I worked with back in 2004, the other a friend who recently started his own non-profit, opened an orphanage and is moving down to Haiti to pursue that. Both asked me to pray about joining them for a few months...and so I will because my heart jumps in excitement thinking about it.

Honestly, the only thing that would stop me would be my parents saying no and finances could as well, but that isn't worth worrying about.

So waking up with the dream could be a) a sign to pray about it b) a vision c) just me placing things I'd like to see happen together

I've rambled quite a bit, and it's now 4:30am.
I end this blog with this,

though we may not know what is next,
God does. Ok, so that is a cliche response, but really:

PERFECT LOVE CASTS OUT ALL FEAR.

so may the fear of uncertainty be cast far out. may the fear of finances, the fear of education, the fear of broken relationships, the fear of emptiness be CAST out.

Love, Color Me Beautiful.
Selah. Selah. Selah.

The Essence of Sincerity

2009-08-24T10:21:00.000-07:00

If there is something I have been trying to put into practice over the last couple of months, it is the idea of living with the essence of sincerity with all that I do.

I guess, in a sense, it's living a transparent lifestyle. Letting others see, "hey, I'm human. Raw flesh that will probably hurt you BUT I'm trying not to be fake and wear any masks. I want you to see I am real."

I feel that sincerity has been lost and that is why I am so eager to find it in others.

People are always trying to cover their mishaps.
Always trying to cover their lies.
Always trying to cover their devious ideas.
Always trying to be something that they are not and making the situation worse than it should be.

The idea of sincerity has been looming around in my mind over the last couple of days because my intimacy with the Lord has caused me to be conflicted over various things and my heart's approach to it all.

If I'm not completely sincere, then I am half-assing things and someone who is full of grandeur does not deserve my pathetic attempts.

He is royal, He deserves my all, not simply half.

For example, yesterday in church I was fairly convicted about something,
and pardon me if you disagree:

Why is there a slow and sudden wave of people who stand (usually from front to back) when the moving worship song during the tithing begins to play (of course this being after they told us to sit down for the offering)?

Now, many of you know, I already have my reservations about tithing which I'll touch on again in another blog, but for this, I want to focus on this Christian ritual we can get sucked into doing.

Why do Christians do that?
Really?

My soul felt so constricted yesterday while sitting there. The slow rise of people began (and I was in the last row) so reluctantly I stood with everyone and realized that I was only standing because everyone else was...I wasn't standing or singing out of awe or respect. I did it because in a sense "that is what you are suppose to do." but that is not the case.

Once I realized I wasn't remotely sincere about it, I sat right back down and began to pray.

I feel like that verse that says do all things as unto the Lord means more than just "making sure you aren't doing 'wrong' according to 'godly' ethic" but rather it's asking for our hearts to be pure, for our hearts to be more than just human,

it's a longing for genuine spirit,
for transparency,
for sincerity.

It's a pure form of living
a form of worship.

Selah.

Art Art Art

2009-08-14T00:01:00.000-07:00

Things are a-changin'!
I've moved back to Largo and I will be residing here and traveling about Florida (&hopefully a few others states) for the next 4 1/2 months!

For now I am pursuing my passion of art and starting my own business.
I'm currently working on another website, but for now here is a new blog!
Check it out and pass it around!

http://alyssamarieart.blogspot.com/

Thank you friends!

Story Time & Creative Vomit.

2009-08-07T10:32:00.001-07:00

I had this crazy dream about my job last night.

I woke up feeling like a truck hit me.
not a car.
a truck.
Then the truck decided to back up and run me over again.
Not a good feeling.

At least I'm still breathing.

Woke up at 9:30am this morning (which is totally crazy) and noticed that both roommates were gone, both of whom got home later than I did (2:30am). I thought they were playing a prank on me by switching all the times cause I played a prank on them yesterday and I was so dead tired that I thought it had to be at least 2:30pm, but nope, they are both gone, and I was up early for no doggone reason feeling awful.

Two days ago I woke up with slight bruises on my ribs. They faded by the end of the day, but they still felt tender. No idea why. Last I remember, couches don't punch people while sleeping.

There is an aroma of fear in the air. It disgusts me as I try to walk further from it only for it to loom wherever I'm heading.

Awaken Your Might, Watch Over This Vine

The other night Jen, Shawn and I played 20 questions. I asked,
"If you could only have 1 hobby for the rest of your life, and not something that you plan on making a profession, what would it be?"

It took a while for us all to think about, but Shawn answered "writing." After thinking about it for a while, I agreed.
I could go on the rest of my life writing and be completely satisfied about it.

I wanted to write a short story,
but I just changed my mind. I'll save it for another day.
-----

I feel blessed to be an artist. I see the world either in brilliant colors or dark and grungy waiting to be touched up.

Art is expression.

My professor use to tell us everyday, "You are an artist! You are crazy! Accept it now! People will look at your work and either relate to it or think you are absolutely absurd, but keep in mind, though they may not like you, you are the people who will change the way the world sees!" Then he would tell us later if we were ever discouraged that we should continually tell ourselves, "I love this shit" while drawing because then after telling ourselves that numerous times, we would love it. He'd even make us recite it in class. ha ha.

You see, artist are crazy.

There are times where I have no creative inkling in me whatsoever. Then there are times where it's like my brain is nauseated and needs a creative vomit session.

These last couple of days I've just been editing photos and the sunrise ones from a week ago just boggle my mind.
It makes me want to have a creative photography vomit session.

very calming and therapeutic.

I cannot even come close to comprehending the beauty of it all.
It's honestly things like this that make me shut up my stupid worrying and ranting and just sit speechless.

Makes me realize how perfect God's canvas is and how it's only a glimpse of the beauty of Heaven.

man.
there is so much more to life than what the eye can see.

2009-08-06T23:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Largo,

This last week in Orlando has been rough.
It's been quite the spiritual warfare and it hasn't lightened up.
Deep down, I'm longing for something new in my life,
more Jesus really....
Maybe moving back will be a good thing.

My mind is polluted with thoughts that these little weak fingers cannot type out this late at night.
I cannot wait to sit in your presence and be refreshened by your hearts.

Love you all.

Move on.

2009-08-03T13:28:00.000-07:00

This month marks a new chapter in my book of life.

My graduation party was insane. I truly was happy and felt ever so blessed for what the Lord has given to me at this point. It's crazy to see the radical changes that have taken place knowing that this is only a tid-bit of what is to come.

This morning I stayed awake to hang out with my best friend before taking her to the airport where she will be on the road with Invisible Children for the next 5 months. The day drew near more than I expected and before I knew it, we were packed in my car and on the way to the airport at 5am this morning.

During the ride I couldn't help but reflect on God's grace, His abundant plans, and His whispers to calling us out. Here goes one of my best friends ready to embark on what will quite possibly be one of the best things that will happen to her in her lifetime. She's going to go out on the road, raise awareness on this war, talk with strangers everyday, living life with only what she needs. She was willing to abandon her family, friends and comfort to follow something she is passionate about which is something I wish more of us could do...

And I really thought about it in comparison of what God is doing in my life.

Here I am, a UCF graduate, with a degree that I was hoping to use at my job.
Things with my job drastically don't go the way I hoped they would go and now I am left with either couch surfing for the next few months or moving back in with my family.

I'm officially moving back to Clearwater August 8th.

It will be a humbling experience moving back in with the parents. I feel now that I've graduated, I should be off on my own, paying back my parents what they have given me but instead I'll be moving back home, slowly paying them back, putting money aside, waiting for January to come only to go back to school and get another worthless piece of paper saying I'm qualified to be paid for my artistic talent as one titled "graphic designer".

It's starting to settle in that in a week I will no longer be an Orlando resident. For all I know, I may not return to Orlando. I could be accepted in an Art School out of state, or even just attend USF for their program. I do know that I am leaving a good amount behind in Orlando and, I wont lie, it's a real eye opener for me and it will be an emotional fight.

Spiritually these last couple of weeks have been an intense battle.

I feel worn, tired, often feeling like I'm dragging myself through a pit of mud in complete agony with an unquenchable desire for something more beautiful and precious than what I am in. I am in a fight between giving up laying in complacency and striving for more.

After seeing how things have unfolded here in Orlando over the last two weeks, I believe in some sort of sense it has been God gently whispering and moving me back towards Largo though I'm stubborn and wanting to fight it with all that I have...

and my stubbornness has lead to where I find myself today in exhaustion...

God is God.
He is the Creator of the Universe.
My life is in His hands.
He could end it at this very moment.
There is a reason I am still alive.
I pray.
I read.
I seek.
I ask.
I live.

Therefore, why am I resisting the very power, the supremacy of God, that I ask for everyday in my life?

I came across this old journal entry today.
It's always great how God uses my past to slap me in the face in the present.

http://thedepthsofaheartunseen.blogspot.com/2007/09/moving.html

With that being said,
it's time to move on.

Creative & Adorable:

2009-07-29T14:35:00.000-07:00

I want to do something like this one day...maybe not with my dad but just strangers I meet everyday...hmmm:
http://www.dayswithmyfather.com/#/0

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.

2009-07-24T21:15:00.003-07:00

I find the most peaceful of moments in my life are at night when the sky blankets the city and the stars are spread in no specific pattern, each with their very own name and reason for existence. This is nature gleaming in its Creator's presence.

He is Divine.
He is Glorious.

I find the most peaceful of moments in my life are at night when I hear the echoes of the crashing waves upon the shore and the world with its pains are silenced for just moments. Each wave hits the sand in different rhythms and it's a soothing melody to my soul. It's a continuous heartbeat I long to hear until I take my final breath. This is nature praising it's Creator.

He is Holy.
He is Supreme.

I find the most peaceful of moments in my life are at night when the wind is hitting my face and there is nothing but silence surrounding me. The city should be asleep, but it has its gentle cries of sirens, street lights, and cars passing by. There is a beauty in the sound of the city that many wouldn't give the time to dwell in, but I only find peace in it because I am alive another day to drive through it.

He is Gracious.
He is Compassionate.

I find the most peaceful of moments in my life are at night when I sit and overlook the skyline along the coast. The wind gently kisses my face and the trees sway in harmony with one another. The stars are shining down and a few clouds desire to appear. It's quiet. There is something special about this place. The Creator is preparing his masterpiece for the sunrise canvas.

He is Mighty.
He is Awakening.

There is a beauty in the night sky that I cannot fully grasp.
I'm alone and on the pavement thinking about my purpose in life..
a grand peace comes over me as I examine the vastness of the stars.

They shine
They speak
They share the Love of an artist whose work is indescribable.

Maybe these peaceful moments are a reflection of reverence...

I keep hearing this:
"Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness"
May it be real.
May it be true.
Selah.

Break those wedding traditions.

2009-07-24T12:02:00.001-07:00

I want this to happen...

maybe a different song...

but, this would be amazing:

Blessed Be Your Name.

2009-07-22T11:33:00.001-07:00

He gives.
He takes away.

He gives.
He takes away.

He gives.
He takes away.

In this I will rejoice because I know greater things are to come.

2009-07-16T07:02:00.000-07:00

Today I'm on the hunt for a 1/1 apartment or a 2/2 if it's affordable (one for me, one for Kristin for 6 months then when she moves out I'd make it my studio). It has to be a place I want to live in for at least the next year or two (I want to attend Valencia in spring to begin my graphic design degree).

It's honestly something I haven't specifically been praying about for a while.
The idea sort of all came together yesterday.

The other night a good friend of mine said something that really hit,

"Alyssa, sometimes God give us two really good options and it's our choice as to what we feel is best. You can't always sit and wait."

and it's true.
I tend to sometimes go through these periods where I just sit and wait expecting God to bring everything to me because 'I want to follow His will' but if we aren't taking action or initiating anything, then we're being almost stagnant in our faith.

That is still a hard concept for me and maybe this whole toss up between cities has been done for a greater purpose.

In the last week, my art quota has jumped up a great amount. I have enough to keep me busy for about the next 3 weeks outside of finishing school and work... and work is another story, oi.

There is a great pressure on me for answers, not really from family, but more from friends and it's getting quite annoying.

I asked a few of you yesterday and I'm asking if you read this today to just please pray for today and this weekend as I'm sorting things and working things out.

Thank you.

Random Sketch of the Day:

2009-07-14T08:17:00.000-07:00

I present to you...

a sketch of...

BABY PENGUIN WITH BIG GUN!

Beauty.

2009-07-12T01:56:00.001-07:00

I'll be open and honest here,

girls often times struggle pretty hardcore about our appearance.

I don't know if it's due to the way the media portrays what a "woman" should look like or the words that were said to us growing up, or perhaps being cheated on by a girl who is more "beautiful" than we see ourselves, but majority of women today dislike something about themselves whether it'd be emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually. Majority of the time it's physically speaking. The more I think about it, the more I just feel ashamed and this is why:

It's something I've dealt with for a very long time.
I don't like my stomach.
I don't fancy my love handles.
I hate having to shave all the freaking time.
I try to ignore the marks from losing and gaining weight within short periods of time.
I don't like my bony hips or ribcage that often stick out

though I dislike all these things I refuse to fall into the fashion world of covering up my "flaws" more than needed.

I rarely will cover my face in makeup (not that it's wrong to do so)
I wont straighten my hair every day or dye it like crazy or spend an hour on it every morning.
I don't spend crazy amounts on getting my nails done, facials, waxing, or anything else girly.
I don't find it necessary to buy more outfits then I really need. If they don't fit, cut them and use them as something else or take em to the thrift store. (Thrift store is a great place to buy clothes).
I will NEVER ask a guy how I look in something (begging for the complement gesture, tisk-tisk).
I try to be modest with my clothing
and no, I did not get my lip rings to "adorn" my face so it'd make up for something "beautiful".

I got them for the sole purpose of making out ;)
JK.
I'm slightly addicted to piercings...
slightly...
I've been pierced 14 times :)

Someone out there is like, " Shoot man, this girl is cra-zzzzzzzy".
...I am.

Continuing,
I find that I often times feel more conscious about the way I look because I surround myself with friends who really admit their struggles with it and we often times never find appreciation in what we do have.

We are still breathing.
We strive to live following God,
though we fail often.
We are smart.
We are trying to become wise.
We are willing.
We have great personalities.

But, as sucky and awful as this may sound, we feel that we aren't worth much when a) guys aren't actively pursuing us or complementing us b) when we aren't reassuring ourselves of what scripture says (this of course is the more important option).

This is where I've begun to see things differently and where I am trying every morning to wake up and embrace.

I had this written on my mirror, " God created you in HIS image, therefore, you are beautiful"
BAM, right there.
My identity NEEDS to be founded in God,
in Christ,
in the glorious riches of the Kingdom.
THAT is where is beauty is stored.

It flows from brokenness,
humility,
openness,
boldness,
obedience,
transcendence.

I feel that being natural,
not "hippie-ish",
and embracing my creativity has really helped me begin to see that beauty comes from God alone. It's something I never thought I'd understand or see any form of beauty in.

....so that's my rant on that....ha.

I thought about this because today Kristin and I (my partner for our sideproject AfterGlo Photography) went to take photos. We often tell each other how gorgeous we think one another is, then we'll criticize ourselves (typical girls). We often talk about our struggles with accepting our physical "flaws" and realizing that the outward has nothing to do with the inward. Many of our fears are based off past relationships. We've been scarred by words and situations of the past to the point where now when these freaking incredible men do want to offer us the world, we step back and get prepared to dart straight back into our caves. It's rather pathetic and we have to reassure one another that God has blessed us both with life and that is where our focus should begin.

I end this post with photographiez from today.

We alternated taking pictures and I edited them. It was just a random photoshoot for practice. Here are a few photos (teaser!) Enjoy :) (P.S. if you need a photographer or know of someone who needs a photographer, hook some sistas' up! kthnxbai!)

LOL Support letters

2009-07-09T22:20:00.000-07:00

Last summer my friend Kristin made me these awesome support letters. I found them today while cleaning out my room and I ROFL'd.

I'm pretty sure if I go back to EA, I'm actually going to send these out to my friends:

Ouchies.

2009-07-08T23:54:00.000-07:00

The other day I went biking out to Dunedin and decided to return home before the sun got up too high.

On the way back I decided to make a quick stop and stretch. I pull over, unclip my left leg and take a quick water break and turn to grab something out of my pouch forgetting that I'm clipped in the other side. As I'm leaning over, I quickly unclip my right leg and slam my foot into the ground catching myself.

I pulled something in my knee.

So what does smart me do? I decided to finish the bike home (uphill). I walk inside, stretch it out, begin massaging it and realizing it hurts more than it should.

When the knee brace is on, it feels fine. It's pretty bruised and swollen still though. I am praying it's nothing too serious.

So if you could join me in prayer that'd be lovely. Right now we're switching insurances and it may take a while so I can't afford to see a doctor anytime soon. I'm hoping it's just a strain.

I want to get back on the bike again soon!!! Kayaking is becoming too expensive :(

2009-07-07T21:35:00.001-07:00

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not shouting, "I've been saved!"
I'm whispering, "I get lost! That's why I chose this way"

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't speak with human pride
I'm confessing that I stumble-needing God to be my guide

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting that I've failed and cannot ever pay the debt

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't think I know it all
I submit to my confusion asking humbly to be taught

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are far too visible but God believes I'm worth it

When I say, "I am a Christian," I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartache which is why I seek His name

When I say, "I am a Christian," I do not wish to judge
I have no authority--I only know I'm loved

Copyright 1988 Carol Wimmer

2009-07-07T20:25:00.001-07:00

It's funny.

Sometimes I feel like I'll never leave Orlando.
I would like to stay and expand the business.
I'd like to move back here, get involved with more people, work from home.
Now that I've already moved half my stuff back there is a potential opening for a full time position with my job.

Part of me wants it,
the other part is upset that I'm only being offered it as a last resort.

So, I have no idea what to do.
Please join me in praying about this.

Thank you.

2009-07-06T20:20:00.000-07:00

Wildlife Photography Fail. hahaha.

see more Fail Blog

To the Saints and the Sinners,

2009-07-03T21:24:00.001-07:00

Grace and Peace to you.

I write this today to you as a testimony of what the Lord has done in my week. I share this with you, not with a boastful heart, but with a burning desire for what flows through my veins to flow through yours.

The Lord is gracious,
slow to anger,
compassionate and abounding in love.

He heals the broken,
sets free the captives,
let's us breathe.

My heart has been troubled over the last week, tossing back and forth between emotions. I am torn with friendships, torn over where I am to be these next few months, torn over potential opportunities. I feel lost and misguided when looking at the small sketched map of my life.

Beginning Sunday, my dear friend, of whom my heart longs to know the joys of The Kingdom, humbly broke down the walls and spilled everything that was on her heart. My heart dropped and skipped beats as I knew this was God trying to get a hold of her life. I've waited to see this moment unfold and this is only the beginning. I sat in silence as a comfort while the wind blew in our faces to wipe off her tears as she lit up. I still had trouble breathing. Was this really happening?

The Lord told me to encourage her. To tell her that rescue is on its way. So I did.

The rest of the week has been full of booking photoshoots, cleaning and packing my house, design meetings, work, and occasionally meeting with old friends to catch up. I have been reading a bit through Psalms, a bit through John, and journaling this past week. I am searching for answers.

Today was my dearest friends birthday (the one from Sunday), and I must admit, I wasn't as prepared for it as I would have hoped to be. This photoshoot that was to take place on Monday was pushed back to Thursday in which I had to stress over getting the photography equipment needed for it. Thankfully, I was able to run around town picking up the pieces and was able to place it together, shoot the photos, and return what I took within 2 hours. Majority of the day was spent working on this girl's photos, but I did have time to run out and get my friend a gift.

I've been meaning to buy her a bible of her own in hopes that it would encourage her to pick it up more often. She was borrowing an old one that a good friend had given me years ago for Christmas and I knew she was having issues reading it. So I bought her a bible, painted the cover, and slipped notes inside telling her where to read for what situation. I wrote a letter to her sharing how much I truly care about her presence in my life rather than getting her a card. I know that this isn't what one would normally get for a friend who isn't a professing Christian, but I felt this was the perfect gift. I had no idea what to expect.

We went to her house tonight after dinner where I went in her room and gave her the gift. She read the letter and was excited about the new bible. She gave me a hug and we began our way to Boardwalk Bowl. We played a game of mini golf and she wanted to bowl with another kid so while they did that I decided to buy all of us a pitcher of Yuengling while waiting for them to do their two games. I gave the server, Gloria, my debit card to start a tab just incase we would need another pitcher. Well, when the time came to leave, I signaled to Gloria letting her know I needed to tab out. When I told her my name, she handed me a card that wasn't even close to mine. I told her that it wasn't mine and she frantically began looking through her apron and check book. Only three people gave cards so far, and one was mine, however, it was missing.

She ran off to figure out what was up while the rest of us sat there waiting. After a while she came back saying she had NO idea where it was so my friends angrily got in her face about it and told her to do something about it. Come to find out, she realized she gave my card to another gentlemen who left with his family a while ago. She would have to trace him down somehow to get my card, thankfully he paid in cash so nothing was charged on my card. Still, a stranger had my debit card.

Now, to any other person, this would be a huge deal right? I mean, you're debit card was taken. This holds a good amount of money and is usually what you use to pay for things, because really, who carries cash anymore? But to me, this wasn't the end of the world. A small plastic card with a chip to my finances was with a stranger, but I could just call my company, tell them to block the card, and I'd get a new one in 5-7 days. I'm still breathing, I'm still alive. It's not the end of the world.

Thankfully, the Lord for some reason has been preparing me all week and my art has been selling almost every day in small increments. I have an envelope with cash sitting in my room, enough to last me for quite some time if I am wise with it.

My angry friends demanded a manager come out and they got in a tisk fit. The server kept apologizing. My flesh wanted to say, "Yeah, but that serves no justice, sorry doesn't mean a thing" but my heart wanted to be compassionate. I fought with this while those who surrounded me were furious and standing up for a situation I should be taking care of. Long story short, my friends made the waitress cry and she ran off to finish her job while the manager gave me to comp tickets. I walked out, called my company and had the card canceled. After that we split and I took my friend home. She kept apologizing for what happened and I responded with, "I'm alive, really nothing else matters. Things happen. I'm a very understanding person, everything will work out." Before she got out of the car she said, "Seriously, thank you so much for the Bible. It really means a lot to me, especially since it's personalized because now I have more reason to read it. It's important and it was a great gift. Thank you". We bid farewell and I drove out of her neighborhood only feeling compelled to return to the bowling alley and talk to the waitress of whom we walked away from when she was crying.

I pulled in with such a weird feeling running through my body.

This is what I've designed you for

I entered the alley not knowing what I would say but knowing who I had to find.

Let Go. Trust Me. I am near.

She was helping a customer. I leaned against the bar and listened.

Love your Enemies. Live in Harmony with One Another. Bless those who Persecute you.

"Amen". I walked up to her as her face became frantic. I walked along side her as the words began to flow out. I let her know that these things happen, I apologized for my friends behavior, I sat and talked to her letting her know that it wasn't really as big of a deal as one could have made it. My spirit wanted her to enjoy the rest of her night and be blessed and not downtrodden from one situation. My mind could not comprehend what was going on.

Gloria walked me to the door and hugged me goodbye. As I turned to walk away she said, "You prove to me that there really are nice people in this world. Thank you."

Well done, my Child

I entered my car and broke down. It's rare I do this. It wasn't tears of sorrow but rather tears of joy, tears of complete awe of not knowing what the heck just took place.

I pray that these words are as encouraging to your heart as they are to mine. I still cannot fully comprehend the love of God and how it compels us, but I know that there is NOTHING LIKE IT. It's a poison to my veins soon to take over and flow through my body.

To those who come across this, God is near.

He is longing for your heart,
longs for intimacy with you.

His Love Breaks All and Endures Forever. I want this to ring in your ears from the moment you wake up to the minute you lay your head to rest.

His Love Breaks All.

I ask that you share such stories. Encourage one another with what the Lord speaks to you and share what He does in your life. For the words we try to live by today was a testimony from witnesses of then. Let us live forth inspiring all to see and know the God we desire to live for.

We are all human
sinners saved by grace.

Selah.
Alyssa Marie

Packing and Reflecting.

2009-07-01T10:54:00.001-07:00

man,
this is the 7th time I'm moving in the last 4 years.
It's familiar taking things off the walls and placing things in boxes.
I'm moving...again.
This time, it's not somewhere in Orlando.

It's weird to think after 4 years of living here, I'm moving not out of state, not to another city in Florida, I'm moving home.

I am pretty sad about leaving and I am trying to find another job or way to live up here,but when it comes down to it,it is probably wise to just move back home, save the money, and either move back to Orlando, move out of state, or raise support and leave for a year.

However, I cannot make these decisions on my own. This is something I completely want the Lord to direct rather than me acting on selfish impulses. It is something I struggle with every morning: letting go and letting Him lead.

So another adventure begins in my life.
I'm leaving the comforts of Orlando and re-entering into the comforts of Largo.

I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm anxious, yet still excited and hopeful.
It's always in these times where God completely ruins me and it's awesome.

So, we'll see what happens.
For all I know, right before I plan on moving back to Largo I may be offered a better job up here and I could finish school. We'll see.

Oh life.
Without times like these, it'd be boring.

Journal Throwbacks (part 1):

2009-06-30T05:59:00.000-07:00

I have a collection of journals online and in writing.
I'm currently working on combining all of them while writing a new one up, ha. It's going to take quite some time though...

I was going through my old LJ account, and yes, I was suckered in LJ after dearest Kristin made me an account with the name PocketLlamas. Real serious name for serious blogs, right?

It's funny to look back to almost a year ago and see what was going on then to now. Some of its different, some of its the same mindset.

I hope these are encouraging to your heart, as they are dear to mine.

18 July 2008
Something does not feel right.
In fact, I'd dare to say, something is not right.
Do I know what it is? No.
Do I have an idea? Yes.

I'm terrified.
Absolutely terrified.
And Christ tells me not to worry about tomorrow because I still have today...
I'm trying to love today as much as I can, but it hasn't been getting any easier.

But then again, who ever said following Christ was going to be a piece of cake?
There would be no such need for faith if that were the case.

I wish people could understand that.

God allows circumstances in our lives for us to see Him in it. Did you get that? God, Creator of the Universe, My Father and Yours, shows himself to us in our circumstances because that's when we pay close attention. It's a matter of what is looking, our heart or our eyes.

The brokenhearted is who God uses to change the world cause they are vulnerable enough to listen. Just look at the people that Christ healed, check out the people he hung out with, look at us. If we open ourselves to all that He is, we can experience something more than life.

On another note:
I do not understand why we try to mask our happiness.

Am I happy right now? No, to be quite honest, I'm still struggling to get up towards the light.

You will know when I am truly happy when my face radiates from my Savior, when my body can do nothing but overflow with joy.

Maybe it's the complacency factor that keeps us from getting what we want.

seriously, I'm in love with the gospel, because until we place ourselves in its context we will never fully understand the power of those words.

Now, if only everyone else could feel the same way...
this place would be wrecked.

Today God gave me this:
For He satisfies the longing soul and fills the hungry soul with good. Psalm 107:9

Now that is what I'm looking for.

8 July 2008
My mom has been non-stop on my case about what I want to do with my life. I do not even know what I am going to do with my life.

I've grown up with plan after plan of what I want to do, and when it comes down to it, I'm not where I planned on being.

At this point I wanted to be a Senior at UF studying Veterinary Medicine engaged to a lovely Christian guy who was either in a band or an artist. Where am I now? A senior at UCF with a degree in Interdisciplinary Studies, single and working at a coffeeshop. I wouldn't trade my life for anything else in the world though. So what do I want to do with my life?

Serve and Glorify.

That's simply it.

I have found no greater joy in my life then the words in the gospel. They are active and breathing, penetrating to the soul. If I am called to be a disciple, then that is what I shall live for. I accept I am human, I accept all humans are hypocrites, but it doesn't stop me from trying to follow the footsteps of my teacher.

Something that was on my heart often while away was this:

Apart from my maker, I cannot be happy.

Really. Think about it. If we believe that God has designed us and made us, then wouldn't it make sense that He has all we need to be completely satisfied in life? A car can only run on gasoline. Not dirt, not rocks, gasoline. The car can get no where if it runs out of gas, until it is replenished it will sit on the side of the road. We can only find our happiness in God alone.

For so many years, I've tried to fill the emptiness in my life with things, that granted give me pleasure, but not once have I found TRUE happiness in them. Whether it'd be relationships, teasing guys for the attention, using my friends, smoking, drinking, lust, cutting, whatever, not once have I found my identity in such things.

Christ says that he wants to give us life, and life abundantly at that. Through Him alone will we receive this.

I've found myself in Jesus and that is the reason why I am still alive to this day.

6 July 2008
This weekend was an interesting one. I went to Orlando for a few days to get some things straightened out. Didn't go as planned. I ask for patience, I receive ways to be.

It's rare to find people who are awakening to the same things.

I'm not excited about returning to Orlando in fall. I feel like people already have so much expectations for me, but honestly, I want to dedicate my all into other things where I can love in faith such as Natura, homeless shelters, and art sales (raising money for missions). I feel so worn trying to pour into people.

And time to be a girl, 3...2...1...
Watching Wall-E only made me feel sappy, oh those cute little robots.
I miss holding hands. I really really really miss holding hands. I could live forever with that.

A few of my closest friends told me today that my love language is physical touch. This isn't only with the male gender, apparently I can't keep my hands off of people. Is that a bad thing?

I just like being close to someone else who is happy to be alive.

In China, everyone is very touchy in a modest way. All the girls link arms or hold hands, and even the guys escort each other around campus and embrace one another as girls would. Weird, eh? haha. But it's completely normal for them to do such things. Most of them don't grow up with brothers or sisters, so their family is their classmates. On our second meeting, the girls and I would always be seen walking down the street with arms linked or hands held.

I miss that.

I've always been a relational person, and through it God has taught me so much. There are times I need to be alone, but majority of the time, I'm always in need of someone to be by my side. Overall, I cannot treasure such a feeling above my relationship with God. The minute that happens, I lose who I am. I feel like I've done that a lot this past year...actually, I've done that my entire life. I've made my friends into idols.

I would walk into these Buddhist temples sickened by the gold statues with gems and jewels besides it. I didn't understand how people could find so much comfort in inanimate objects, but then I look at myself...and I'm not saying humans are inanimate objects, I'm saying that I've molded my relationships into idolatrous things.

Funny how we so often forget what the first commandment was: Do not have any other gods before me.

Jesus, Supreme Being over all dominions, grant us understanding to truly live our lives following you and your truths, walking in your ways, because you said, 'I am the way, the truth and the life'. Through that may we find all that we dream, because our desires are yours. Make obvious to us the things we idolize that we could replace them with the truth of your words. Amen.

2 July 2008
If we are comfortable, we are not moving.
If we are not moving, we are at a standstill.
If I am at a standstill, I am not doing any better than I was before,
but at any moment it becomes my turn to take the first step forward.

You'll never learn how to swim if you don't let go of the side of the pool.

Swim out deep, if you begin drowning it's okay.
Drowning is easy, it's the breathing that does all the work.

1 July 2008
I wish people would just wake up.

Wake up to their Passions,
Wake up from their grave,
Wake up to smell the cup of coffee that is sitting right in front of them.

I wish everyone would appreciate life.

Appreciate breathing.
Appreciate being able to wake up to a new day.
Appreciate who they are.

I wish we would realize our purpose.

Our purpose to glorify God by enjoying him forever.
Our purpose of giving ourselves to the sake of the cross.
Our purpose in loving one another till we take our last breath.

I wish we'd accept who God has made us to be.

Accepting that salvation has made me, ___(your name here)___, a Child of God, part of a royal family.
Accepting that I am made in His image.
Accepting that I was made new to change the world...not one other person, not a group, the world.

For we are called to baptize strangers into this glory, and the best part of it all is in our humility. Little do we realize the impact of our faith until we stand face to face with the people who came to be our brothers and sisters. Whether it'd be by the smile you gave, the time you picked up their belongings with no sense of time, the food you gave them when they were hungry, the comfort you gave in times of distress, or the straightforward truth in an unwanted confrontation, they stand there baptized because of the obedience in faith.

Now this is worth living for.

Let us not fall short of who we are destined to be.

2009-06-29T19:59:00.000-07:00

Writer's Block

YAY!

2009-06-29T01:22:00.000-07:00

Cast your cares on the Lord
and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous fall.

[Psalms 55:22]

----

This is what God the Lord says-
he who created the heavens and stretched them out,
who spread out the earth and all that comes out of it,
who gives breath to its people,
and life to those who walk on it:
"I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness;
I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and will make you to b ea covenant for the people
and a light for the Gentiles,
to open eyes that are blind,
to free captives from prison
and to release from the dungeon those
who sit in darkness."

[Isaiah 42:5-7]

-----

"Jesus stole this heart of mine,
now I'm alive.
Jesus taught this heart to fly,
now I'm alive!"

Beth

2009-06-26T13:43:00.000-07:00

I'm working with these guys now:
http://myspace.com/bethliveandlove

as you can see, their design stuff isn't the best, so that's where I'm stepping in.
I'm praying for some inspiration on this one and I'm pretty excited about everything.

but for reals,
I love these guys cause:
a)they love jesus
b)they are freaking hilarious
c)they are great musicians

you should love them too.

and you know what...
I'd like your help on this as well.

Listen to their music and let me know what you think.
Any images come to mind after listening to their stuff?

Thanks :)

Rising Emotions.

2009-06-23T21:53:00.000-07:00

This past week has been a weird one emotionally and I'm not even PMSing.

It's just been one of those times where great things are taking place, but deep within I'm fighting with doubts and fears like none other.

Tonight was one of those nights where it came clear that I have yet to fully understand what surrender means.

I mean we all are human,
we all have emotion,
things happen for a reason,
and healing will be given to the broken,
but you have to be broken before the healing process can begin.

It sucks that majority of these things come from relationships.

2 years ago, I abused myself physically due to the verbal and emotional abuse from an unhealthy relationship. Shortly after, I jumped into the life of another guy viewing him as my earthly rescue and it became an extremely emotionally abusive relationship. Things ended on a bad note when I returned from China, but I knew back then it had to happen.

Needless to say, I cried for hours a day and any reminder of him would break me to pieces because all I could recollect was the emotional abuse.

July will mark a year since things have been different.
Things have really truly changed
for the better
and I feel like my relationship with God has deepened,
my personal ministry grew,
new friendships were developed,
and old ones replenished,
and my senses grew more intuitive

and for some reason I completely ignored the premonition and intuition I had tonight.

I saw them tonight and the minute my mind recognized him and pieced what happened, my hands began to shake really bad. My gut wrenched and I felt extremely weak in the knees. I began to stutter as I tried to push his existence out of my mind. We caught eyes and I looked away as if I never knew him. Seeing him and his girlfriend legitimately freaked me out. I grabbed my tea, grabbed Sonja, and we walked around Park Place until I calmed down.

After taking Sonja home,
I drove away in tears.

So, one may ask, why did I react this way?

I mean, come on, it's been almost a year now since I've last talked to the kid. It's not jealousy, it's not envy, but rather I was reminded of the emotional abuse, the months of recovery after, and realizing that even to this point, I've failed the test.

I'm still bitter and angry about the way I was treated.

I know I deserve better,
but knowing and experiencing are two completely different things as many of us have come to learn even in our spiritual walks.

I am desperate for something real.
genuine.
I'd like to be adored for once rather than being taken advantage of.

I know God is preparing that for me right now in this moment.
He's preparing it for you, the broken, as well.
Just wait
and trust.

On that note, the only advantage I can see of being emotional, besides self-realizations and progressive changes, is the fact that I can draw these little guys:

Oh the joys of being an artist,
you sometimes show people things they didn't realize they were missing,
in this case,
it's emotions.

Cats and Dogs.

2009-06-23T11:26:00.001-07:00

I don't know why, but this made me laugh pretty hard.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

haha, it's a salad cat.

and this little guy, I totally want:

see more dog and puppy pictures

I'd name him FoxMcCloud, ha.

Fatherly Flashback.

2009-06-20T14:09:00.000-07:00

The other day my dad and I went to the bike shop to pick up his old road bike.

Now my dad and I are awfully alike.
He's lactoseintolerant.
I'm lactoseintolerant.
He use to be a swim captain.
I absolutely love to swim.
He use to be a photographer.
I am a photographer.
He likes driving with the windows down.
I love driving with the windows down.
I am a barista.
He can make a really mean cup of coffee.
He use to cycle.
I love to bike.

So we went to the shop and my dad began asking questions,
"so could I still ride this bike? Will I have to get a new one? I mean, she'll be riding this more than I would, but I'm just curious."

They told him that he's too large for the bike now and that it would fit perfect for me. So my dad handed me his old bike with new shoes & a helmet.

"It's yours".

I've been riding for a bit the last few days, not too much though because lately I've had a lot of pain in my left knee (I'm praying its not some sort of serious injury due to all my stupid falls of hockey & skimboarding).

While I was riding the other day, I had this flashback:

"It's yours, sweetheart."

When my family was living in New York, we lived in Terry Town. It was a small little neighborhood where there were a few kids on the block. My favorite thing to do was go outside and play (go figure, I still love doing this!). When I was 4 years old, my dad took my brother and I outside to play (Andrew was 2 at the time). He said, "I have something for you! Look!"

He brought out a little bicycle, white and pink, obviously for a girl, and what did I do?

"Andy, look! this is for you! Oooo!"

My mom and dad laughed and he said,

"It's yours, sweetheart. I got this for you! Your very first bike!"

My parents say it was the best day of my little 4 year old life. I was so incredibly excited about it. I got on that sucker with training wheels and went off on my way! Shortly after, I began riding without the training wheels. I loved biking.

(This is on a home video, not that I actually remember everything from when I was 4 years old).

Now 17 years later, I'm riding my father's bike.
I caught myself teary eyed while speeding down the neighboorhood thinking about this.

I love my father dearly and I'm super proud of him.
He went from literally rags (being a mechanic & dropping out of school)
to riches (well, not rolling in the dough riches, but he went to Harvard and is now a doctor).

He gives me hope for what is to come
and I am excited to see what God will continue to do in his life until it's his time to venture Home.

So, I guess this is my Father's Day blog a day early.
Happy Father's Day!

Tear up your Bible (Part 1)

2009-06-17T10:12:00.000-07:00

I tend to begin these writing series and never finish them.

I promise the Christian Hippie Environment one will finish at some point, I'm still trying to put together my thoughts on it all.

But for now, let's discuss this:

You would think that being raised in a Christian school and being spoonfed Christian things since birth that I would have read the entire bible by now and that I have a good knowledge about every little chapter in the bible too.

or perhaps one may think being raised in such a way that my bible pages are crisp and clean and pure just the way my faith should be.

wrong.

(It boggles my mind how some people can see Christians that way as well, or actually respect the bible in that way where there isn't a single scratch on it.)

When I graduated from the good 'ole IRCS, everyone was given a bible with their name embroidered on it. In the inside our principal (of whom I went to Guatemala with for missions), wrote a personal letter to each one of us. I was almost in tears when I read mine, it was something that would inspire me every time I opened it. This bible was unlike any other. It was simple, just an NIV with Christ's words in red, it had a few maps in the back with a general concordance. Nothing too thick, nothing too incredibly fancy. This bible was one of the best gifts I ever received.

I knew from that moment this bible would change my life forever...
which the gospel should do that.
It should change our lives forever
because it teaches us about the life of Christ
and teaches us about the Father
teaches us about divinity
supremacy
creativity
life abundantly,
right?

During my freshmen year of college I decided that I would take notes in my bible this way I could note my own spiritual journey by simply going back through. For the first time, I would graffiti the materialistic word of God. I would color verses, underline only the things that were important, put side notes on certain things, put references for others. I wanted to make sure the pages were covered. I wanted to be able to look back and reflect on the things that mattered most to me then and Lord-willing would still matter to me now.

So it began.

The Bible became not just the Word of God
not just a book
not just a study
but a divine mystery.

And as everyone knows with mystery:
we want to know what happens next
we want to know what happens with the characters
we want to know the end
we wait

The neat thing about the bible is: we do know the end.

So what's the point of having a bible if we aren't willing to tear it apart?

That's what it was made for.

In Part 2, we will discover why it's necessary to break down scripture and in Part 3 I will explain my method along with a few others that I've found to come in handy.

I write this because over the last few weeks I've just been flipping through my bible reading over different things that have caught my eye, whether it'd be a note I jotted down, or perhaps a certain underlined verse that I have forgotten.

This morning when I was reading John I came over a chapter that I had NO recollection of whatsoever! It's in the book of John; quite possibly one of the most discussed and "beginner" books of the gospel. I didn't have a single thing underlined or written under this chapter.

This chapter is a pivotal point in Christ's ministry because I feel that you see more of his human nature. By this I mean, you see His emotions more. He tells his brothers he isn't attending a party then goes to the party "in secret" THEN after he hears whispering about him he goes up and begins teaching to the point where now he ain't no secret! He sits there in full knowledge that the Pharisees could arrest him and kill him there yet "some wanted to seize him, but no one laid a hand on him".

Then a whole chunk of John is missing! Where is it? I have no idea, but heck, I want to know what's missing!!!! Something important probably happened there and then the chapters end with "Then each went to his own home."

Lame.

Any way, these last few days I've been coming across different sections just like that where I was like "WHOAH wait a minute, this is important! This plays a role in my life today! This can help so and so!"

I think it's absolutely necessary in our spiritual journey to take note of things,
to get down and deep
to get our hands and feet muddy
to devour
sink our teeth into
grasp until our last breath
tear apart
the Word of God.

I believe it's not only beneficial for us,
but it's beneficial for others to read what we have found as well.

It is up to us to believe what others say
and as Paul once said
"Test everything".

I find I am inspired the most from other people's writings
(hence why the NT, specifically, being made up of witnesses testimonies and letters to churches/disciples, is so dear to me).

And that is why I write this to you today.

2009-06-14T00:51:00.000-07:00

Filled with wonder,
Awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your Name
Jesus, Your Name is Power
Breath, and Living Water
Such a marvelous mystery
-Revelation Song by Gateway Worship

Life is Beautiful.

London.

2009-06-13T16:38:00.000-07:00

Last time I was in London was when I was in my mothers womb.

21 years later, I have gone on a tour of the city, had a short glimpse of the Queens Extravagant Birthday Parade, traveled the Underground, saw WICKED, got lost and found my way back, and...don't judge me...I attended, not participated in, the World's Naked Bike Ride.

Bansky's new art exhibition opened however it's in Bristol :(
If I were staying longer I'd totally make the trip out there to see it.

Tomorrow I jump on a bus and hit Camden for the day!

I'm learning to embrace creation a bit more these days,
and I'm in love with the Creator of it.

Enjoy some flowers,
They are quite lovely.

Barcelona

2009-06-10T14:30:00.001-07:00

Today we went to this cathedral that is still in progress.
I still can't wrap my mind around it.

get this

They started building this thing back in the late 1890s,
it will not be done for AT LEAST another 100 years!

That means I will not be able to see the final product of this,
my children might but their children will be the ones who will be able to walk through this majestic piece (that is if the end of the world hasn't taken place yet, ha ha).

Can you believe that?

I would have to say the only thing that really takes me back about this is the art in it. Oh my gosh, I feel like I could spend hours just examining and analyzing every bit of it. There is so much depth and meaning to even the smallest of pieces. The architect was a genius and designed majority of it from what he noticed with nature (which I absolutely LOVE). He believes that nature is like an open book waiting and needing to be read. We are to learn from it and live off of it, which I totally agree with. I believe that this guy found beauty in creation and ultimately from the Creator. I believe he did connect with God in it and in a sense is glorifying God back with what he has designed.

Overall though, I couldn't help but think: what is the purpose of this cathedral? Is it just another landmark, or will this inspire others to look into the life of Christ? Is it idolatry in a sense? I don't quite know.

In another news, Barcelona has been nice. It's a bit scary here and there though. Not a place I could see myself living in.

Today we went to this little plaza area up on a mountain. Most of the shops were closed for a good while but we were able to hit an art museum with a few of Picasso's works! We also watched a few glass blowers.

Before we left the area, my dad saw this little shop and called me over to it. When I walked in, it was a little colorful art store full of special needs people from Spain. All of them were sitting at a table, each working on a different art and craft. They were all so excited when I walked in and made sure to say hello and show me what they were working on. Come to find out, this shop is designed to hold workshops for them. The art that they do, they sell at the store which in turn goes back to providing more supplies and funding for them! I couldn't walk out without supporting the cause, so I picked up a few things they had made. I cannot begin to tell you how happy I was to see this. They were so excited about their artwork and they enjoyed showing it off. I hope to find more places like this in the future.

Here's a pic of my mother and I when we were in Andorra!!!

Andorra & Barcelona

2009-06-09T14:36:00.000-07:00

Hola mis amigos!

Fuimos a Andorra. El pais fue hermoso y pequeno rodeado (surrounded?)por montanas. El viaje en un autobus para tres horas de longitud de France. Ahora, estoy en Barcelona en un apartemento.

Mi comida ahora fue muy delicioso! Comi salmon ahumo y una ensalada!

Soy muy cansada. Buenas Noches!

Carcassone & Nimes

2009-06-08T13:20:00.000-07:00

Monaco, Nice, Cannes, & Avignon

2009-06-07T13:29:00.000-07:00

Venice & Burano!

2009-06-05T21:30:00.000-07:00

Venice!

Grilled Sole with Veggies!

Burano!!!!!! Very cute & colorful little city.

Buon Giorno! Day 1-

2009-06-04T14:47:00.000-07:00

I have made it to Italy!

Currently it is 11:51pm and I am sitting a hotel in Venice finishing up some last bits of homework. We have to be up at 6:30am for breakfast, oi, it will be killer!

Today was pretty adventurous. After 9 total hours of flying and hours of driving via bus, we visited the city of Milan, Verano, and ended in Venice.

In Milan, they let us split up in small groups and walk around the city. My family went to a small cafe and I was able to get a vegetarian sandwich made, and no joke, it was one of the best things I've ever eaten. ha ha. I paired it with a legit, Italian espresso. Aftefrwards, my brothers and I decided to roam around the city. There wasn't too much to see besides a cathedral, a bunch of pigeons, and tons of Chinese tourist. I saw a Chinese baby today here and it made me really happy, ha ha.

Besides that, the streets are full of vespas and busy people. Everyone seems so focused on what needs to get done. It's almost like a New York atmosphere but with more historic/antiqued buildings. I don't know what I think about the people yet because I haven't had too much interaction with them besides ordering food and saying Thank You.

Spiritually speaking, it feels dead here if that makes any sense,which is weird because many cities in Italy have a deep rich Christian background.

There is little nature as majority of the landscape is old and historic buildings/ruins. I did get to see Italian vineyards on our transition between cities which was pretty neat. I am a bit antsy about not seeing a lot of nature, but hopefully that will change tomorrow when we go out into the waters of Venice!

Since I decided to remain a vegetarian while here, I've realized that I'm probably not going to eat much since majority of the meals have meat & cheese in them. Thankfully, our travel agent has told the restaurants ahead of time to prepare a non-dairy and non-meat meal for me which I'm hoping wont always be vegetarian pasta (because I'm slightly allergic to pasta as well. My diet sucks). I'll be stuffing my face with market fruit in the meantime. Their fruit is incredible and their grapes are sooooo large and delicious. No wonder why they have great wine!

so far, so good, and I'm REALLY tired.
Just wanted to update ya'll.
Ciao!

2009-06-02T00:26:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving tomorrow for two weeks.
I'll have the internet and my camera cable so I'll try to post some photos while I'm off and away.

Please pray for our travels, safety and protection, and that though this isn't a "missions" trip that I'd still be able to share the love of Christ whether it'd be action or words.

I shall miss you all.

2009-05-31T00:19:00.000-07:00

The desire to change
the world
your community
your family
your friends
your workplace
words
actions
yourself

for the better

The Kingdom

it's like a disease,
that's really the only way I can describe it.

----Love this-----

Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Christianity and the Environment: Our failure to be Hippies (Part 1).

2009-05-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

I hope you all get a kick of this as much as I have.

This semester I am taking a class called "Philosophy, Religion, and the Environment". It is an incredibly deep class as we dive into comparing worldviews and its relationship to the environmental situation we have found ourselves in now. From the classmate postings I've read so far, it looks like I am one of the few who still follow Christ, so needless to say, it has been very interesting reading where people use to be and what they believe in now.

For this class we have to read several articles, do a discussion posting on what we agree and don't agree with, and do a contemplative exercise (which are totally awesome). Last week, I had to put a seed in my hand and contemplate the meaning of life and the significance of the seed. This week we had to walk barefoot in grass and think about the energy of the earth and my feelings and thoughts while walking on the grass. Pretty cool, eh?

So this week's module was on Christianity and the Environmental Crisis. It is based around several different scientific theories, but overall they are trying to prove natural science over theology. I had to read 3 different articles: one saying Judeo-Christian tradition was an influence to where we've found ourselves today, one saying that Judeo-Christianity is the root of our environmental problems and one saying that blaming Christianity is completely bogus and it's a combination of different factors.

I'll begin with the first article, "The Problem" by Seyyed Hossein Nasr. He says that man has a sense of domination over nature. He goes into how when it comes to us studying the science of nature we overlook cosmology and metaphysics. We are concerned about the "spiritual" aspect of the environmental crisis which causes us to look at Christian theology on the subject. Why he picked Christianity out of all other religions, I don't know, but his thoughts are interesting.

He says that Christian theologians, particularly Protestants, neglect the spiritual connection between man and nature. He says that many of the top Christian Theologians "believe that nature cannot teach man anything about God and is therefore of no theological and spiritual interest". He says others have began to realize "the need to believe that the creation displays the mark of the Creator in order to be able to have a firm faith in the religion itself". He later discusses Neo-Thomism (science is limited by its methods and cannot apply itself to a solution of metaphysical problems) and he also emphasizes that Metaphysical doctrine, or gnosis, which is the meeting ground of science and religion, has been forgotten greatly. He says because the metaphysical aspects of the Christian traditions has been forgotten, it is difficult to understand why we're in the environmental state we are in now without first re-discovering the spiritual nature and world view of Christianity.

The second article is, " The Historical Roots of Our Ecological Crisis" by Lynn White JR. This article has to be my favorite because many of the arguments don't make sense, you'll see later on.

White begins by discussing history saying "All forms of life modify their contexts". White then discusses western tradition of technology and science, the medieval view of man and nature and then this is where it gets crazy.

"The victory of Christianity over paganism was the greatest psychic revolution in the history of culture." Psychic revolution?

White questions, "What did Christianity tell people about their relations with the environment?" and follows by explaining the Creation theory by saying, " By gradual stages a loving and all-powerful God had created light and darkness, the heavenly bodies, the earth and all its plants, animals, birds, and fishes. Finally, God had created Adam and, as an afterthought, Eve to keep man from being lonely. Man named all the animals, thus establishing his dominance over them. God planned all of this explicitly for man's benefit and rule: no item in the physical creation had any purpose save to serve man's purposes. And, although man's body is made of clay, he is not simply part of nature: he is made in God's image."

Next White dares to say that Christianity is the most anthropocentric religion IN THE WORLD. Anthropocentric means human-centered. See where the issue is?

Then there is this quote," Christianity made it possible to exploit nature in a mood of indifference to the feelings of natural objects" ...really? I don't think so.

White then says that the Christian dogma of man's transcendence of, and rightful mastery over nature is what has lead to modern technology and science today which has ruined our environment and that we as Christians should feel incredibly guilty.

THEN White says that Christians, since we are "superior" to nature, would look at a tree and see it as nothing more than a physical fact. In fact, according to white, "For nearly 2 millennia Christian missionaries have been chopping down sacred groves, which are idolatrous because they assume spirit in nature"

...

White ends it by saying we will never fix our environmental problem until we reject the Christian axiom that nature has no reason for existence save to serve man.

He says we as Christians FAIL at being Hippies.

Now, this article is a kicker after that one " The Cultural Basis of Our Environmental Crisis" by Lewis M. Moncrief. Moncrief says in his article that White's examples only weaken his arguments. The absence of Judeo-Christianity influence in the example are obvious, ha ha ha. He says in the end it's between the "rich" and "poor" and that we all strive for a "better life". He then discusses the French and Industrial Revolution saying that the need for more is what began the environmental issue. He says it'd be shallow not to say that Christianity didn't influence the revolutions, "After all, biblical teaching is one of the strongest of all pronouncements concerning human dignity and individual worth".

Moncrief continues and talks about how much of our behavior towards democracy, technology, urbanization, capitalistic mission, and antagonism towards the environment are the result of : ignorance. This rang a bell in my mind:

"Presumed familiarity has led to unfamiliarity, unfamiliarity has led to contempt, and contempt has led to profound ignorance." - The Divine Conspiracy

Moncrief ends by saying that the forces of democracy, technology, urbanization, increasing individual wealth, and our attitude towards nature is what is directly related to the environmental situation we are in now, NOT religion itself. To say that is too bold of a statement especially since there is little history or scientific support to say religion is the downfall of the environment.

--------------
This was my posting in response to the readings:

I found this module very very interesting as I am a follower of Christ. Some of the points made were accurate and true but others I found to be fairly controversial.

Out of all three articles, I really enjoyed Moncrief's points on our environmental situation. My favorite quote would have to be, " In short, it is one thing to appreciate the value of technology; it is something else entirely to view it as our environmental savior-which will save us in spite of ourselves". I feel that technology has become a savior, sadly enough, to our society. The more rich you are, the more technology you can get, but if it's not enough just wait because they'll be coming out with something better which requires more production, more research, and more money that quite frankly could be used elsewhere. Out of my experiences, the most joyful people I've met are the ones who have little to nothing. They enjoy nature more than technology and I often wish we could live in a balance between both worlds.

I also agreed more with him that the root of our environmental crisis is a result of different forces rather than isolating it solely to religion.

If Christianity were the downfall of things, then why isn't there less freedom on it as in other countries? Look at China for instance, Christians are still being killed to this day over there. I am pretty sure they aren't the reason China's pollution is awful. Even if you were tie other religions in, to me there is no reason to blame a religion for where we find ourselves today in the environmental situation.

Most of the muddy points for me were in White's article. I didn't agree with him when he said, " Christianity made it possible to exploit nature in a mood of indifference to the feelings of natural objects". I find that nature helps me connect with God. I don't have moods of indifference.

White also made the creation theory seem like a joke and that God made nature for no purpose, but if that were the case, then why would he have even bothered to create earth, water, sky, and animals BEFORE man? He also made man out of dirt, which White mentions, however, White's point seems to overlook that and just hit straight to "he is made in God's image". Well, yes, man is, but regardless of that, it is mentioned before hand that man was made from the soil. There is deep significance to it, otherwise, the bible wouldn't have mentioned it.

To say that it is the most "anthropocentric" religion as well is a pretty bold statement considering the main theme of Christ's life and Scripture is humility and loving others. I wouldn't necessarily agree with it being a human-centered religion though I can see where people draw that.

The last thing I didn't agree with and I'm wondering where the facts for were was "For nearly 2 millennia Christian missionaries have been chopping down sacred groves, which are idolatrous because they assume spirit in nature." I find that incredibly hard to believe. I don't know why missionaries would go to knock down trees if their purpose is to be among people and serve them. Trees having idolatrous spirits? Could you imagine if "christian missionaries" today were like that? We'd be doomed.

Besides the muddy points, I really did think that all three articles gave great insight on the environmental crisis and its relation to Christianity being/ or not being the root of it all. Great module!

Prayerz

2009-05-24T23:35:00.000-07:00

So I'm starting to get answers.

Not ones that'd I'd like.
but hey, I am asked for them.

Someone once said, "Do what your heart desires"
But if my heart isn't in line with the Lord's, then what would that fulfill?

Lately I've been studying "What is Prayer?" and I'll eventually touch on the topic more in detail once I get the outline done, but for now, it has lead me to many other passages in Scripture that I've never laid eyes on.

Beautiful and Sincere.

One for example 2 Kings 19:8-37
Hezekiah's prayer is soooooo honest.
[I've added emphasis & cut up certain sections here. There is a reason I do this, I'll explain another time]

"When the field commander heard that the king of Assyria had left Lachish, he withdrew and found the king fighting against Libnah.
Now Sennacherib received a report that Tirhakah, the Cushite king of Egypt , was marching out to fight against him. So he again sent messengers to Hezekiah with this word: "Say to Hezekiah king of Judah: Do not let the god you depend on deceive you when he says, 'Jerusalem will not be handed over to the king of Assyria.' Surely you have heard what the kings of Assyria have done to all the countries, destroying them completely. And will you be delivered? Did the gods of the nations that were destroyed by my forefathers deliver them: the gods of Gozan, Haran, Rezeph and the people of Eden who were in Tel Assar? Where is the king of Hamath, the king of Arpad, the king of the city of Sepharvaim, or of Hena or Ivvah?"

Hezekiah received the letter from the messengers and read it.
Then he went up to the temple of the LORD and spread it out before the LORD.
And Hezekiah prayed to the LORD :
"O LORD, God of Israel,
enthroned between the cherubim,
you alone are God
over all the kingdoms of the earth.
You have made heaven and earth.
Give ear, O LORD,
and hear;
open your eyes, O LORD,
and see;
listen to the words Sennacherib has sent to insult the living God.

"It is true, O LORD, that the Assyrian kings have laid waste these nations and their lands. They have thrown their gods into the fire and destroyed them, for they were not gods but only wood and stone, fashioned by men's hands. Now, O LORD our God,
deliver us from his hand,
so that all kingdoms on earth may know
that you alone, O LORD,
are God."

Then Isaiah son of Amoz sent a message to Hezekiah: "This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: I have heard your prayer concerning Sennacherib king of Assyria. This is the word that the LORD has spoken against him:
" 'The Virgin Daughter of Zion
despises you and mocks you.
The Daughter of Jerusalem
tosses her head as you flee.
Who is it you have insulted and blasphemed?
Against whom have you raised your voice
and lifted your eyes in pride?
Against the Holy One of Israel!
By your messengers
you have heaped insults on the Lord.
And you have said,
"With my many chariots
I have ascended the heights of the mountains,
the utmost heights of Lebanon.
I have cut down its tallest cedars,
the choicest of its pines.
I have reached its remotest parts,
the finest of its forests.

I have dug wells in foreign lands
and drunk the water there.
With the soles of my feet
I have dried up all the streams of Egypt."

" 'Have you not heard?
Long ago I ordained it.
In days of old I planned it;
now I have brought it to pass,
that you have turned fortified cities
into piles of stone.

Their people, drained of power,
are dismayed and put to shame.
They are like plants in the field,
like tender green shoots,
like grass sprouting on the roof,
scorched before it grows up.

"'But I know where you stay
and when you come and go
and how you rage against me.

Because you rage against me
and your insolence has reached my ears,
I will put my hook in your nose
and my bit in your mouth,
and I will make you return
by the way you came.'

"This will be the sign for you, O Hezekiah:
"This year you will eat what grows by itself,
and the second year what springs from that.
But in the third year sow and reap,
plant vineyards and eat their fruit.

Once more a remnant of the house of Judah
will take root below and bear fruit above.

For out of Jerusalem will come a remnant,
and out of Mount Zion a band of survivors.
The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this.

"Therefore this is what the LORD says concerning the king of Assyria:
"He will not enter this city
or shoot an arrow here.
He will not come before it with shield
or build a siege ramp against it.

By the way that he came he will return;
he will not enter this city,
declares the LORD.

I will defend this city and save it,
for my sake and for the sake of David my servant."

That night
the angel of the LORD went out AND
put to death a hundred and eighty-five thousand men in the Assyrian camp.
When the people got up the next morning—there were all the dead bodies! 36 So Sennacherib king of Assyria broke camp and withdrew. He returned to Nineveh and stayed there.

One day, while he was worshiping in the temple of his god Nisroch, his sons Adrammelech and Sharezer cut him down with the sword, and they escaped to the land of Ararat. And Esarhaddon his son succeeded him as king."

That is INCREDIBLE.
There are so many other passages that I could touch on now, but really when it comes down to it, the power of prayer is so large and effective, we will never understand it in its fullness.

I'm studying more about prayer because I feel like right now I'm going through a period where quite frankly, I need to be praying a lot more often.

I'll be quite honest, since I've been back in Orlando I have not been myself. I have no desire to do anything; life has been sucked out of me. It's like a weird depression that looms over me and in some form or fashion I've been more discouraged being up here than encouraged or inspired. It's the weirdest thing yet. I haven't felt this way in years, it's incredibly odd.

But at the end of the day, I am only The Lord's. He is my refuge and my strength in this mysterious war that rages against me.

Tonight I decided to read a bit through Psalms and Proverbs and boy oh boy that touches the soul. It's oxygen to a dying lung and it makes me think how CRAZY it is that HUNDREDS of years after this book has been written the POWER of God STILL REMAINS TO THIS DAY ENOUGH TO PENETRATE TO THE HEART.

UGH, It's seriously the most magnificent thing a person can experience when you look at it from the basics of thing.

I feel like I'm rambling, so I'm going to stop now.

Laying the Fleece.

2009-05-22T22:19:00.000-07:00

I'm stuck.
So you know what,
I think it's time I lay out the fleece again:

Judges 6:36-38
Gideon said to God, "If you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised- look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said." And that is what happened. Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew—a bowlful of water.

The Foolishness of Worrying.

2009-05-17T22:07:00.001-07:00

Just got off the phone with a dear dear friend of mine.

I've had a lot on my mind these last few days.
We both vented about our frustrations and worries with what's been going on.
We also realized how worthless it all is in the end without God and our communication with him.

Seriously,
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

If I claim to live by the gospel, the words that are so "true" and "dear" and "life-changing", why don't I fully live this out?
If I am worried, why am I not praying at every moment the anxious thought appears?

I often time take the quick and easy prayer route where I will only pray for what is needed at the moment (not that there is anything wrong with that) but what about praying for things of the future? Why don't I spend more time in prayer to begin with?

I find it so interesting that the first things the disciples asked of Christ was, "Lord, teach us how to pray" and I find myself so often in their shoes,

Rabbi, teach me how to pray.

Communication is the most important factor of a healthy relationship and prayer plays that communicative role in our spiritual lives. There are other ways to communicate with God outside of prayer, but it is such a vital thing.

Radical things are about to take place.

Anniversary.

2009-05-17T05:22:00.000-07:00

A few days ago marked a year since the Wenchuan Earthquake.

I remember waking up to the news and spending hours in tears begging for answers.
I left empty on May 17th.

Today is my anniversary for the venture I left on and it still holds dear to my heart.

Pray for the people.
Pray for freedom.
Pray for China.

Music to my ears.

2009-05-16T10:08:00.000-07:00

ahhhhh,
love love love.

Sheep.

2009-05-15T16:35:00.001-07:00

I hope to one day accomplish something this awesome.

Soon, it will make a year.

2009-05-15T13:16:00.000-07:00

EA JOURNAL : 5-something-08

I've lost track of time and day...
Luckily I just bought a watch.

Life here is great and I am truly happy. I feel incredibly at ease and love how God has been revealing himself here. no one has made a decision yet, but just talking with the students shows me that they are incredibly hungry to know him. This is such a time of need for the people; they are broken-hearted and seeking comfort and peace. The earthquake has set a large amount of fear in them. Their eyes carry a sense of hopelessness. The government doesn't do much to calm down the people by displaying gruesome photos of the damage all over the city.

Well so far this is what I've seen in this culture:
The people are extremely hospitable, compassionate and open. You can talk to them about anything and they will share. When you eat out with them they will either pay for you or ask to go dutch. They love ping pong ( the guys are really good, the girls are graceful players). The province is known for their hot and spicy food, which has been absolutely delicious.

In this society they are raised to try to be the best by working harder than they need. They push themselves and depend on themselves more than anyone or anything. Many say that they don't believe in God because they cannot understand the concept of Him or they cannot believe due to the party.

Side note: in order to join the party, you must sign that you are atheist. Many people join the party because it deems them of being of higher positions/standards in their society, meaning it will be easier fro them to find a well paying job.

Many of the kids are majoring in English so they can teach here or in other countries.

I wish America could have the drive these people have. It breaks my heart to see how we don't appreciate what we have. These kids dreams are to come to America, but for me living in America, my dream is to move out. I don't feel at home there any longer. It's scary to me that I've only been here for a week and I feel like I've been here for weeks.

I would be interested in coming back for longer. I'd miss my friends and family a lot, but I think it'd be worth the world.

In a spiritual sense, it's been hard not being able to be so open with our faith. [things I cannot share over the internet due to security reasons] This makes me grateful for the freedom we have in the states, but it also makes me slightly upset that Christians in America don't treasure this news. I don't want to return to the States passive and forgetting all that is here. I almost wish we had some sense of persecution in the states. It's going to be rough returning and sharing this experience and not having people fully comprehend what I've felt. Some experiences I guess cannot be shared.

May my words be filled with your Grace and Spirit that those who hear may be struck and live in hope for the day that draws near. Selah.

Longing.

2009-05-13T15:30:00.000-07:00

I miss it all.

Dominoes.

2009-05-10T22:59:00.001-07:00

So after 2 years of planning, I finally began my sidepiece tattoo.

It's going to cost a load of money,
hours to weeks of pain,
but in the end it will be incredibly worth it.

Or at least in my eyes it will be.

While I was showing a few of my co-workers what I have done so far, a few customers took a gander and asked the significance.
I guess it is kind of weird to get a bushel of grapes tattooed on you.
So I went into the Old Testament a bit, explained the meaning of the grapes, and explained the application to my life now.
We began to chat a bit more about it and went our ways.

To our generation, it can be used as a ministry tool.

Today while showing Kelly it at work, an older man looked, rolled his eyes, and gave the "you're going to regret that later on face"

and then I had this simple profound thought,

Our life is a fleeting moment.

So why worry about regretting then when you're living now?

I may not even live to be old,
let alone the rest of this night.

For some reason this thought has just been building up in me these last few days and the pieces are beginning to come together.

The more I worry and the less I trust, of course the higher the obstacles will be in my life.

Lately, I've just been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Here is a glimpse of my mind:

oh man, I graduate in summer, what am I going to do after? Move to St. Pete? Live off my art? Work at Natura? Go to Valencia? I have to move out of my house in July, where am I going to move? Holy crap, I'm 21 years old, I don't want a real job. I need to stop giving out my number to random customers. Man, moving houses depends on if I move back to St. Pete or stay in orlando. Can I get my TESOL degree in Fall and move overseas in Spring? Are men abusing my art business as a way to get one step closer to me? My laptop is gone. Officially gone. Do I come off as an easy girl because of my lip rings or personality? This doesn't feel right. What if I get offered management in fall? That will throw of spring! I want to do a TOMS internship in Spring, but what if I'm still in school? Do I wait for him or do I move on to someone else? Maybe I should just fill out a STINT application and move to China...yeah, living in china for a year would be awesome. Crap, I didn't back up those projects I was working on, there goes a client or two. Am I doing it though cause I want to or because God has called me to? I still have 1 mural, 1 pair of shoes, and 5 other art projects, biscuits. What if I don't make enough money to do these things in summer? I just realized majority of my friends are sexually active, that's weird. I don't like waiting. I really don't have much in my savings to live on my own for a while. Will I get the money to finish my tattoo? Maybe I should focus on a new laptop first...

whew and that's just a snippet and clean version of my mind. See what that leads to though?

MASSIVE CONFUSION
which will just lead to
FAILURE APART FROM GOD.

BAM.
I find myself complete when I am walking in light of the Lord.
I find myself at peace when I'm disconnected from the world.
I find myself happy in the simplicity of life.
I am at joy when I hold an orphan in my arms,
I feel alive walking down dirty streets humming to the foreign tunes that surround me.
that is my identity in Christ,
a disciple.

This has to be the way God wants us to live
enjoying and dwelling within His Supremacy and Creation.

If my life is just a fleeting moment,
then let it be lived to glorify.

What if...

2009-05-10T19:21:00.001-07:00

I had the craziest thought today,

What if I could give my eyes to someone else for a day?

Someone who doesn't know what I believe,
Someone who doesn't know who I am,

What if this person could look at something the way I see it and feel the way I feel?

Would they question their purpose?
Question the existence of God?
Or maybe just take in and embrace even the little things of life?

just a thought.

In Tune.

2009-05-08T15:17:00.000-07:00

Whenever I'm back home in Largo, I love waking up and walking over to the piano.

My parents bought this piano over 5 years ago. I took piano lessons for a short while when I was younger then quit. My brother, Austin, took lessons for a short while and quit. So why did my parents buy it? Part of me thinks it was just to put something neat and classy in the house, the other half I believe was in hopes that one of their children would learn how to play.

Half awake, I'll slowly pull the red velvet off the keys and ever so gently place my hands where I feel they should be.
I don't know what I'm going to play until I sit down, stop, and breathe.

I'm anxious to play though I don't know what to compose.
In the beginning, it's rough. I tamper around with what notes sounds right, what sounds wrong, and what sounds perfect when together. But then, after a few minutes of messing around, I've got it.

I begin to play what my heart tells me to play.
In the moment, all of me is into the music,
it made me think,

What is it like being in tune with God?

The way I get ready to play piano is exactly how my faith is.

I'm dreary from my slumber,
longing to let go of all that holds me back,
anxious to start over,
unknowing if I'm making the right decisions,
trusting that the notes played are the right ones,
but even if I hit the wrong ones I'll learn not to play them again.
I'm willing to compose a beautiful life,

and that is what our spiritual lives should be.

Being in tune with God is, in an artistic sense, a form of worship.
It's adoration and glorification.

Even with the mistakes and failures,
we'll end up on our feet again somehow,
walk over to the piano,
and begin to praise.

Stolen Emotions.

2009-05-05T18:16:00.000-07:00

It's been a week since good ole Sebastian (my laptop) was stolen.
I haven't heard anything from anyone at work or the cops.
He's gone as well is much of my art work/photography.

oh well.
It's not the end of the world.

I'm still alive,
still breathing,
and blessed with my brothers old laptop with most of the software I need.

Since I've been home, I am much more at peace.
I don't know if it's the comfort of my home,
my loving friends,
my crazy family,
largo places,
or all of the above.
I truly miss living back here.

It's rejuvenating and I dread going back to Orlando. Never did I think I would have this mindset. When I first moved to Orlando I was so excited and would say, "I love Orlando! I'm never moving back to St. Pete!" ha ha. Now I'm dying to get out of Orlando and I often wonder how God feels about all of this.

I wonder how God felt when my laptop was stolen,
was he disappointed because of my anger?
Was he sad with me at the realization of my artwork gone?
Was he angry with what happened?
Is he bothered due to my anxiousness?
Is he sad that I don't want to stay in Orlando?
Is he happy with how I am living my life?

Ever think how God feels in certain situations in our lives? At STATUS 2 weeks ago, that's what Cole spoke on and it made me put another perspective on the Lord. So often I forget that God has emotions and I think it challenges our faith in growing closer towards Him.

Emotions involve sensibility which requires some sort of intimacy...

to be continued.

Get Free.

2009-04-29T00:54:00.000-07:00

I'm done with this place.

I don't want to run away necessarily ,
I just want to be home where it's safe. A place where I can be myself again, find peace, and find comfort in the arms of loving people.

I'm officially terrified
and officially needing God more in my life right this moment.

Mark Driscoll Angst

2009-04-25T23:20:00.000-07:00

Lately there has been much angst for Mark Driscoll floating around.

First it was Rob Bell,
Now Mark Driscoll.

Let me begin with this:
I've read bits & pieces of his books & sermons.
He does his research and when it comes to diving into a chapter or particular verse, I think he does a pretty good job with it. I would even dare to say he does more research than you and I do when we read scripture.

So we have no room to talk quite yet.

I've also listened to his spiritual warfare series and have seen his marriage series as well.
Now the only thing I don't necessarily agree with Driscoll is all his crazy masculinity remarks.in some cases, yes, I do believe men really need to step it up, but I wouldn't go as far as saying "the innovative ones are at home sitting and watching football". He believes the men will be what changes our culture and future, which sure, in a procreating sense yes, but who is to say women can't change the world?

Does it not say?
"In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams.
Even on my servants, both men and women,
I will pour out my Spirit in those days,
and they will prophesy"

Which yes, I can see where this stirs up everything.

I've also read "12 Extraordinary Women" which I know isn't written by Driscoll, I say this because, this book goes into detail with how women changed the course of the gospel as well and how often we overlook them.

Maybe we should send Driscoll a copy?

In response to this someone would probably say, "Well if he is so profound and so gospel-preaching how does he skip over this stuff?!"

Well, only he has his reasonings for it.
But honestly, how many of us claim to live in light of the gospel yet our actions don't completely flow in line with it?

Yes, I disagree with him on certain areas, but that isn't going to make think he is the antichrist or a false prophet.

He's getting the name of Jesus out there,
and though it may not be what we want to hear or believe,
people are hearing.
Paul once said that though false prophets may speak of him, the name of Christ is being proclaimed, and that is something we should take and run with.

If we have a problem with what he says, then test it.
If we agree with what he says, test it.
Regardless, let's test it.

Paul encourages to test our own actions. To me, this includes belief because majority of how we act is based upon what we believe.

So I end this in a challenge.
I challenge us to treat disagreement with love, grace, and respect rather than a one-sided criticism.
Deal?

2009-04-22T19:03:00.000-07:00

Maybe one day I'll do something like this,
well minus the whole growing facial hair thing, ha ha.

I love Tattoos

2009-04-22T11:21:00.000-07:00

My friend's ex-bf's younger brother got this done,

I LOVE IT.

I want to offend you, and yes, even myself.

2009-04-21T18:03:00.000-07:00

I have this app here on blogspot that gives a different quote everyday (It's located at the very bottom of the page).

Well today's was this:
"CHRISTIANITY WILL GO. IT WILL VANISH AND SHRINK. I NEEDN`T ARGUE ABOUT THAT; I`M RIGHT, AND I WILL BE PROVED RIGHT. WE ARE MORE POPULAR THAN JESUS NOW; I DON`T KNOW WHICH WILL GO FIRST -- ROCK`N`ROLL OR CHRISTIANITY. JESUS WAS ALL RIGHT, BUT HIS DISCIPLES WERE THICK AND ORDINARY. IT`S THEM TWISTING IT THAT RUINS IT FOR ME.
-JOHN LENNON "

I sat confused.
"Jesus was all right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary."

But, what does this mean?
Yeah his disciples were ordinary,
there was nothing special about them until Christ left.

Then he says " It's them twisting it that ruins it for me."
How did they twist christianity? Didn't they define Christianity? I'm pretty sure they lived following the footsteps of their teacher.

Then I thought about the quote again in relation to christianity today.
Maybe "disciples" to john lennon are christians in today's age.

Christians are absolutely nuts.
No wonder why Christianity is "shrinking"
maybe that's only in America...

Maybe I'll live to see the day where other countries are coming to America as missionaries spreading the REAL gospel.

I often wonder why people are terrified of Christians and then I see things like this:

Or perhaps people are scared of christianity due to what they've heard or seen. For example, the christians that will rant about how much they love and adore God and His everlasting grace and love, oh yeah!
yet you scroll through their myspace photos and see nothing but keg stands and drunken slander.

I drink, quite often at that,
but it's about moderation.
Alcohol is discussed SO much in scripture, but where do you see Jesus and his disciples getting shwasted at the supper table?
moderation.

Oh Oh Oh! One of my favorites, how about "Christian" relationships where the girl/guy walks away more hurt than they ever have before?

I once told one of my unbelieving friends," Well, he's a nice guy and he's a christian. I think a christian guy will be good for you."
-"Alyssa, look at your past relationships and see how that worked. And you want me to date a christian guy? I think you shouldn't date Christian guys and see what it means to be treated well."
::crickets::

Sad part is, I really enjoyed dating non-christians for a while until I realized how difficult it was to share with them everything on my heart. Though they knew of God and believed in Him, it wasn't the same. It's like explaining color to a blind man.

Let's see, what else is there...
OH, there are the brother micah's who find it the utmost importance to point fingers and yell saying that each of us is a "horny-masturbating-greedy-prideful-tattooed-homosexual loving-jewelry adorned-sinful sinful sinful human being"!

Oh forgive me, and you were perfect when?

or the Christians who play "too-holy-get" or "holier-than-thou" because they can't "lower" themselves to the standards of "worldly" people.

get over yourself.
you don't think non believers see this?
They don't want to become like you cause they know how much it hurts others.

People want to know Jesus,
trust me they do.
Since the day we were born, we LONG for purpose, we LONG for meaning, we LONG to be united with...our Creator.
C.S. Lewis once described it as a car and gas tank. A car will only run on one thing=gasoline. It wont run on rocks, or dirt, or water. It's the same way with our relationship towards God.

And why doesn't it surprise me any more when people say they've been hurt by Christians?

It's obvious.
And I feel awful about it.
I'm not saying that Christianity should only be about love and peace,
or complacency,
for if that were the case, boldness could be entirely lost.

Christianity is not about being "saved".
If that were the case, then christianity would only be about forgiveness, nothing else.

But following Christ is incredibly deeper than that.
And that's where we ALL get lost.
...how do we follow Christ?

How do we step away from the stereotypes, embrace people, offend them, and share with them the delight we have?

Living as a follower of Christ is getting more and more difficult every single day,
go ahead, disagree with me if you wish,
but when you look at all the other BS stuff that's out there to believe and "christians" aren't living the way Christ did,
what else do they have to believe?

You know what gets me every single time,
when an Athiest knows more about the history of the church or bible than I do.
Man, and I call myself a Christ follower.

If I have a relationship with Christ (as I would with any other human) wouldn't I want to know about his history?
well, yeah, that's an important part of intimacy in a relationship.

That's where I face plant the ground.

2009-04-21T06:57:00.000-07:00

I'm a bit stuck on what to do with my life.
It's hitting that point where everyone is asking,
"So now that you're graduating, what do you plan on doing?"
Well, if I knew, I'd tell you. But unfortunately, I don't feel lead into any one direction.

My parents want me to get my degree in graphic design,
I want to go overseas and teach english,
money is the only thing stopping me.
I hate it.
what's even worse is the fact that Jesus talks more about money than he does salvation.

Weird, eh?
But he knew how it would radically effect our lives, not saying that salvation doesn't, but obedience to God plays a strong role even in our financial journey and he wanted people to be aware of that and prepare themselves for it.

And it SUCKS that money is the only thing stopping me from pursuing something.

If I don't continue my education, my parents are cutting me off which means i can has no monies.

At 21 years old working part-time at a cafe and part-time as an artist, I don't think I'll be able to sustain myself.
That's a scary thought.

Today I received an email from the IDS program saying that they are now offering a TESOL elective. I'm pretty bummed out that now when I'm about to graduate, they offer such a course. I know some oversea jobs offer a TESOL certificate before moving into a country, but maybe I should consider taking one course at a university to see if it's something I really want to pursue. Can you guess what's stopping me there as well?

oh life.

In other news,
I'm still editing photos from a wedding I took this weekend. I'll have the previews up pretty soon on our other blog : http://afterglophotography.blogspot.com

Check em out!

P.S. The Rescue is Saturday and I am STOKED. Have no idea what I'm talking about? Go here: http://therescue.invisiblechildren.com

this blog post reminded me of this, it's a grand chuckle:

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Peace & Justice.

Glory.

2009-04-20T00:03:00.001-07:00

Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name;
worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness.
The voice of the LORD is over the waters;
the God of glory thunders,
the LORD thunders over the mighty waters.
The voice of the LORD is powerful;
the voice of the LORD is majestic. [psalm 29:2-4]

The wind kissed my face and in the moment I felt freedom,
I heard a voice gently whisper,
The King is Enthralled by your Beauty.
and I knew that this was Love.

prank on kids.

2009-04-14T08:47:00.001-07:00

My husband and I are going to do mean things to our children, such as this.
"It's like they trust you just because you made them."

suckers.

Easter Shm-easter.

2009-04-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

Today the Lord and I were talking and it was rather pleasing.

I've been restrained so much by just stupid little things.
And while I was praying, The Lord told me why I'm still here in the states:

When I accepted him into my life, as Savior and King, I became HIS.
I am a disciple.

Meaning, wherever I go, He goes and visa versa.
I am a missionary to America just as much as I am a missionary to EA or anywhere else overseas.
That's when it clicked.

I am a missionary to America,
so why not be more bold in this country that proclaims to be "christian"?

I was also praying about the significance of this weekend.
Don't get me wrong, this weekend is pretty epic.
I mean, Jesus lived, died, and rose again,
it's the reason why I live the way I do today,
but this shouldn't be the only time we consider this event.

You know what gets me, especially with this weekend, why do we celebrate Easter in America?

Why the eggstravaganzas and chocolate rabbits and so forth? I don't even understand why churches do it outside of it being entertaining for the children. But what if Easter to people has only become excitement for the candies, baskets, and goods rather than the grotesque death of an innocent man? Why do people who don't even follow God or Jesus find it necessary to attend church only on Easter Sunday?

I feel like when it comes to Easter people almost expect Christ to come back while we are sitting in our pews for easter service (which would be pretty awesome) but the reality of it is we, as Americans, not necessarily all christians, go to these easter services as a ritual.

someone probably just had a minor heart attack when they read that.

hear me out, I'm not saying that attending church on Easter Sunday is wrong. I feel like with most cases it's about the reason to going.

I feel like this weekend is always an eye opener & heart grabber NO DOUBT, but we cannot let it just be a once a year holiday thing.

We need to feel this way daily.
We need to get excited about Christ every morning.
We need to be grateful for what He's done the moment we wake up to the minute we rest our head.
Our lives need to be in surrender as He did his.
We must live in His life because, " I am the way , the truth, and the life"

Granted, we are human, and we screw up every single day, but let us keep our eyes focused on the gloriousness of His majesty and let our hearts burn to dwell in it.

Sunday is tomorrow,
it's an incredible significant day,
let it be apparent in our lives each and every day.

He's alive, He's alive, He's alive,
I'm alive.

For the first time in my life I'm not going to Easter Service.
I'm not back in largo with my family, I'm in Orlando with my friends.
It's not for the "rebellious" factor or the liberal christian perspective, it's simply because I truly want to become more intimate with my creator and I want to share this event with my non-christian friends. I want them to understand that following Christ is not Christianity, it's about Jesus and not religiousness. I want to spend time with Him in His creation, I want to fall in love again. And for the first time in 21 years, this ritual will be broken just as my life will be.

You were,
You are,
You will always be.

yesssssss

2009-04-10T07:26:00.001-07:00

Walls

2009-04-08T19:17:00.000-07:00

I've always dealt with people who built up walls.
Towers really.
I took the time to help tear them down.
brick by brick,
persistence and determination,
love and sacrifice.
The walls came down for them.
But things changed,
and I turned around to see what was different
and lo and behold,
I've built up this wall that I cannot take down.

2009-04-06T20:18:00.000-07:00

I keep asking God to wreck my life,
which is a really random request,
but when I say wreck, I mean it in a good way, ha ha,
and I'm pretty sure come fall it's going to happen...

take that back,
I think it's beginning now.

woo hoo!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Phil 4:6

Marriage and Men.

2009-04-03T23:56:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine shared this
and it's totally awesome.

This is specifically for the men, as you will find, but women don't just ignore it because it is for the men.
We need to listen and learn as well because when it comes to a matter as serious as relationships and marriage, we need to know what a godly man is. This message pin points the gospel focused man.

Men, be prepared for the harsh truth.

Enjoy:

2009-04-02T17:21:00.000-07:00

http://www.thegodmovie.com/trailer.php

I may have to get my hands on this.

Talitha Koum! (Part 1)

2009-04-02T10:49:00.001-07:00

man, I cannot even imagine how intense it would be to live in the day of Christ.

Here you are, probably raised Jewish, and this man who seems to have EVERYTHING together comes into your town with words that are so rebellious but yet powerful that you cannot help but be intrigued by it. He claims to be the Messiah but by religious law and leaders, people are demanding that he isn't. He walks around and does miracle upon miracles; this is a sight truly unseen. It's the beginning of what would be the most radical man in history to change the way the world is today.

You are drawn to Him and you do not understand why, you want to believe Him but everything surrounding you makes you think its not worth it.

This morning I was reading in Mark 5:21-43. It seems like such a random passage to read, but I find SO much truth in it.
That's what I need in my life right now, more truth,
more Jesus,
less of me.

So let us begin with our study:

It begins with Jesus being approached by one of the synagogue rulers to come and heal his sick daughter. Now before it even mentions that it says, " When Jesus had again crossed over by boat to the other side of the lake, a large crowd gathered around him while he was by the lake." Keep this in mind.

Jesus agrees to go with Jarius to visit his sick daughter. This would require Christ to go back into the city and the household of the sick one where many people were already at mourning and quite possibly praying to God.

Verse 24: So Jesus went with him. A large crowd followed and pressed around him." Time number 2 this is mentioned.
Can you see this in your head guys?! For Mark to have written this same statement twice is a big deal! Look at how people treat athletes and celebrities today, Jesus was the shiz and he had no security guards, he only had his disciples of whom also had to feel the pressure of the large crowds as well. it's not like it was just Jesus with this huge crowd and his disciples on the outside of it walking by with no attention. haha. we always seem to forget that.

So while Jesus is walking to this guys house, there is a sick lady in the crowd who had been bleeding for 12 years. She had gone to probably some of the best doctors in the town, investing all she had in their knowledge and medicine, but she only got worse. "When she heardabout Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, 'if I touch his clothes, I will be healed.'"

Wow. Do you see what I'm seeing here?

Jesus was probably touched by HUNDREDS of people in a day, LARGE CROWDS were surrounding him. People probably went out of their way to give him a high five or try to touch his hand or a pat on the back, some sort of physical touch. Or better yet, being in a large crowd, someone probably brushed up against him. This lady touched his clothes and Mark shares her intention of the action, ' if I touch his clothes, I will be healed"

BAM. There is faith right there. The intention was honest, it was pure, it was sincere. She didn't know if she was going to be healed, but because she believed that this man named Jesus had a power that was truly divine, she dove into action of getting closer to him. She was drawn to his power.

Once she touched his cloak, Jesus realizes that a bit of his power has gone out from him and asks 'Who touched my clothes?"
MIND YOU. He must have stopped and said that and turned around. SURROUNDING HIM are a) his disciples b) A FRIGGEN LARGE CROWD. His disciples even say,'Yo Jesus, don't know if you forgot, but you see the people crowding against you and yet you can ask, 'Who touched me'?"

"BUT Jesus kept looking around" He is actively looking for the one who is pursuing him. Then the woman knowing what had happened went to him and fell at his feet in fear and told him the truth. Her honesty reigns and Jesus looks at her and says, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering"

LIKE WHOAH! HOW COOL IS THAT?!? right there is one of the most BEAUTIFUL connections between Jesus and the broken. He knows He is the son of God, he is completely humble about it, Jesus could have easily kept walking through the crowd even with this lady touching his clothes and he could have let it pass off like its nothing BUT he stopped and looked around.

that right there is how our relationship with Christ is and it's absolutely magnificent

Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I can just see it playing out like a little romance novel:

She feels invisible and the world tells her she'll never amount to anything,
she hears his name and follows him,
she wants to be by him,
and she doesn't know if he will give her the time of day,
but she's willing to give him her life
and when she places her hands on his items she feels renewed,
she feels healed,
she felt love for the first time,
she doesn't think he'll ever realize that her dream has come true.
But He turns around and searches for her.
He wants to speak with her.
He will not continue until he finds her.
She is trembling with fear.
Her honesty spills on the ground and for the first time
their eyes catch.
She sees God in all his divine goodness and her faith has saved her.

It's majestic really.

I'll finish the other half to this when I get back from class.